Ever had that moment while drinking coffee when everything just zips right past you. You don't really have a lot of time to think everything over but for some reason, it all makes sense. It's like my own room. It's messy and unorganized to the normal individual but for me, everything is where it ought to be. I guess that's what I felt when writing that poem. Maybe my state of mind. lol

Haha it is what it is darling... Great to meet a fellow Pinoy here!

Did not really feel it was required... lol

From the Philippines... Same as you, right?

Yep! It has a nice ring to it!

Hi Huntress! I see that you have great material here but if there is one thing I can tell you is that this piece is too "telling" and not much on the "showing" part. I know this can be just a concern on my end so please understand. In any case, the material here is very good but I think a bit of polishing will do it some good. More power!

Thanks! Just being a father is scary in itself!

It's actually based on a true story. I kinda forgot that my little boy liked to play around with the kids next door and I was a bit early from work. But the fear is real. It starts to hit you the moment they start walking because there's not going back from that point on. Before you know it, they are saying goodbye for college. lol I'm feeling old already. haha

Thanks for the compliment! Being a father gives you new fears but also new hopes!

Thanks for the compliment!

Great work. Subtle but rich. Defining without having to write out a bunch of sentences in the form of phrases.

I think this is a pretty universal fear but you packaged it in a way that it becomes unique. Great job!

The ending did not have the "bang" I was anticipating. But overall this is a wonderful piece.

Hmm... check back your work and edit out the typos. It will sound much better after you do. But you have great material here.

I am speechless here. Solid work. Nice way to deliver the message in the format without compromising the seriousness of it all.

Thanks!

No worries. The piece looks solid!

That sounds like great material. Remember that being raw can be good or bad so try to identify when it's favorable or not.

big nails or long nails? Can't help but imagine big nails on people and it really is funny. haha

Well... I would definitely be scare sh*tless if I get chased by an elephant. lol Nice way to translate that regular fear into something worth reading.

The material is there but the poem right now feels too raw. Take a look at this piece again after a day or two and edit it out if you feel like you need to change some things.

Great read but I believe you need to take time to check your work. Nothing major really. Just some misspelled words here and there. Other than that, this is a solid piece!

I experienced living alone for 2+ years. No family members, no girlfriend, and just the occasional friends coming over. This is how it really feels. But in a very verbose manner. Keep it up!

How should I put this. It feels like a lovestruck teenager wrote this piece because it feels so raw and real.

I agree! But you also have to put into consideration that people from all walks of life will be reading your piece. Using simpler words, if applicable, can sometimes make the piece universally enjoyable.

Wow! I wasn't really expecting something like this for the competition. Good take on the topic and great way to wrap the suspense up!

Fun and unexpected. This is some children's lit level of quirky. Imagine his grandfather being sent to recover a world artifact and now Thomas has to go and help. Now that's a great story! Keep it up!