Stare

I stared at him as he stare right back at where I was standing. The wind was blowing hard and my long brown hair was messed up. But I didn’t frown or scowl like how I used to do whenever the wind hit my face. Instead, I carried on with the staring. My gaze lingered on his face. His eyes were gentle; full of determination yet carry the softness I long for. The perfectly-shaped lips he had urged me to plant my lips on his and his well-built body made me wonder how hard had he worked for his well-tanned abs? How wonderful it is if I could just touch him…

“Seth!” A raven girl ran past me. She looked around seventeen and had short black hair. She called out at him with a smile so bright I can never achieve the same.

He smiled fondly at her and ruffled her hair before parting his lips to say, “Hey, Eli.” His voice was still the same. Husky and smoothing.

So her name is Eli.

My heart ached when I saw how perfect they look with each other. The wind stopped as I shifted my long bangs that were covering my eyes away.

Soon, they left – with their fingers entwined together tightly.

I followed behind them slowly, my gaze still glued on them. They were laughing, giggling, sometimes even snuggling closer to each other. They were a couple. An intimate and sweet couple. I felt something coiling around my chest and it squeezed tightly. I was jealous, that’s for sure.

I stopped walking and stood motionless on my spot. I snortled at my own behavior.

Why should I be jealous? I have no right to be jealous, right? I’m not even his girlfriend. Not anymore.

Blinking the tears that were starting to well up in my eyes, I started walking again.

They settled down on a bench in the park and in both of their hands were a cup of drink. I stood behind a tree not too close but still within earshot so I can hear them.

Green tea, I noticed.

He was drinking green tea again. He always does. Always carrying the scent of green tea that I claim to love.

I felt the atmosphere change all of a sudden as I snapped back to attention. Eli closed her eyes and I saw the tint of pink dusting her cheeks. Seth smiled and leaned closer to her.

I flinched and realized what they were going to do.

No! Seth’s mine! I stomped over to where they were and yelled, “Stop it! You can’t do this!”

But regardless of how I yell and shout, their lips met anyway.

I couldn’t stop the tears that ran down my cheeks as I wiped them away with my fists. The tears didn’t stop for a while. My dress was wetted by the warm tears that I didn’t manage to wipe away in time.

They parted soon, going their separate ways. I smiled and followed Seth. Looking at his slightly swollen lips, I frowned and my heart ached again. The same aching feeling I have been experiencing for a long time.

I shook my head, trying hard to get the thought out of my mind.

We soon arrive at the basketball court and Seth took out a basketball from his bag.

The basketball…was worn out. The colors faded and there’s plenty scars on it. But most importantly, there were two signatures on it.

One’s Seth’s and one’s Ash’s. That’s me.

He proceeded to play basketball himself as I sat down on a bench, watching him. How I wish I could join him.

I stared at him again, watching his every move. How he started panting, how his hair started to drip sweats and how he showed off with his usual basketball moves.

Every time he made a dunk, he grinned and turned his head towards me, I cheered.

He played for hours and soon it was evening. The sky was turning orange and it was beautiful. Orange and blue, though contrasting, mixed together perfectly. It was really relaxing to just stare at the sky.

Seth was drenched in sweat and his shirt was completely wet. It stuck to his back like a second skin. He took off his shirt as I blushed madly at the sight. I gulped when he walked closer to me. His body was so close to me! But he didn’t talk to me or even look at me after sitting down beside me. I sighed.

Silence fell between us and no one spoke to break it. If someone were to drop a needle right this instant, it could be heard miles away, showing just how silent it is now. It was slightly uncomfortable, sitting beside him with this utter silence.

Thankfully, he broke the silence with his sigh. I turned my attention to him as I saw him looking up at the sky. I followed his gaze and looked up as well.

“Ash, I wish you were here with me…”

My heart stopped as I tore my gaze away from the sky to his face. Tears flowed down his cheeks as he wiped it away furiously. “Why? Why did you have to leave me alone? Weren’t we supposed to be together forever?”

“Seth…” I said, “I’m here…” I hugged him tightly as I started crying too. Letting everything go and forgetting everything that matters. “I’m here for you…”

He said nothing at all and I couldn’t see his expression because he had his towel on his face. We stayed like this for a while until he stood up and left. I followed him again.

“…Seth,” I said in between sobs. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for leaving you!” I wept into my fists but soon realize my hands were fading away. "Forgive me..."

It’s been one year since my death.

And I know today’s the day I have to leave.

“I’m sorry Seth…Goodbye,” I said, “I love you.”