Drops of cold sweat covered his back. There he was again, standing alone on a dark alley. There was nobody around him, and a cold breeze of wind was making his skin crawl. Suddenly, a pair of dead-looking hands grabbed him from the back, leaving the unable to escape from that awful place. Vicious claws dug into his skin, making even breathing hurt like the same hell. He almost ripped his throat open trying to scream, but it was in vain. That place was a little branch office of the same hell. Blazing flames surrounded the young man, making him feel as if his skin was about to explode. Life was painfully slipping away from his hands, and there was no God able to stop it.
A maniacal laughter filled the place. There was no point in crying or trying to pray. The devil was the absolute ruler of that place, happily devouring every inch of the young man. Breathing got painful than ever.. . The poor soul felt as if something kept stabbing his chest with an infected knife.. And then, everything faded to back...
He tried to open up his eyes, praying for this nightmare to be only so; a terrible dream and nothing more. But the thick stream of blood running from his chest to the floor reminded him that, in fact, that terrible dream was painfully real,
13 COMMENTS
rekhanshiraghava
October 19, 2015 - 18:17 I think a little longer one would have made a greater impact on the readers, though the narration is quite good. i like the plot and the way things have been described.The Veil of Midnight
October 19, 2015 - 20:48 I really liked it but a little more description would have greatly benifited itpurpletears
October 20, 2015 - 15:49 Thank you very much for the advice...Sharmishtha Shenoy
October 21, 2015 - 09:40 The writing style is great and the pain is described realistically.purpletears
October 21, 2015 - 16:01 So glad you thought so. It was my intentionsheelsdevi
October 21, 2015 - 10:05 you should have worked on the plot a little more .then the effect would have been chilling. still it is an assorted terror..good onepurpletears
October 21, 2015 - 15:46 Thanks for reading and for the adivece too!Velantra
October 21, 2015 - 14:55 The way you describe the terror is good. like every one said: a little bit more, because you start to get curious and then it stops...Joy
October 23, 2015 - 14:48 U have described pain very well....i too agree with the above comments. ... but I liked ur story.. u can also chk out my story The Halloween Night. ..purpletears
October 23, 2015 - 21:45 Thanks for commenting, Joy! I will check your story.DavidBokolo
October 26, 2015 - 08:07 There is too much terrible terrors in the world P.purpletears
October 29, 2015 - 20:56 That´s so true!Susan Jacob
October 29, 2015 - 20:50 I liked your style of writing...Good Work :)