My Childish Expectations

My heart threatened to drum out of my chest. Adrenaline coursed through my veins, causing a tingling sensation to occur across my body. My head throbbed and I could feel it beat against my skull. My grin was stretched so wide my cheeks hurt.

And I stared patiently ahead in the darkness.

"Ok Emma," I heard a deep, kind voice on my left. "I'll let you take off your bindings."

My trembling hands slowly rose up to touch the scratchy material covering my eyes.

I was finally going to see it all. I've always wanted to know what the color blue looks like. Or green and red. They also say that a rainbow is beautiful after it rains. What does rain look like? Is it like water? What color is the water? And I heard the trees were tall and green. I heard that the sky is blue and it had white clouds. I felt the grass beneath my toes before, and now I'm finally going to see what it looks like!

My dad says my mom is beautiful. I always picture an angel or someone so perfect when I hear her voice. My mom also says my dad is handsome. Behind my black shroud of blindness, I pictured a knight or a prince. Of course, I don't exactly know what beautiful and handsome really looks like. I was born blind.

My hands grab the ends of the clothe and I slowly wind it around my head, loosening it.

I was going to see what elephants look like! And I'll finally see what my eye color is! I can't wait to see the brightness of the sun!

The clothe finally gave way and I felt a soft wave of wind blow on my eyes. I blinked, seeing colors, but blurry ones.

I couldn't wait! I'm going to see my beautiful world!

My vision cleared and I didn't even stop to look at the room I was in. I excitedly jumped out of bed and rushed to the window, eagerly pressing my nose against the glass.

No... this can't be it. I'm sure this is just a dream and I'll wake up for real tomorrow. I'm just too excited to be able to see again and that's why I'm dreaming.

Right?

But it is. Instead of a clear blue sky, it was dark and grey. I don't think it's blue because they said blue was a happy color. This isn't a happy color. It made me feel gloomy. And where's the sun? I don't see it shining enough for me to squint. I quickly dismissed that and turned my gaze down, excited to see the trees.

There were no trees. All I could see were buildings and cars. I saw people walk by and my eye caught a young lady walking by the hospital. A man in black suddenly snatched her bag and ran away, dodging and hitting people along the way. The woman screamed and tried to run after him, but he was too fast.

Then I heard a yell and I saw a boy, just a few years older than me, yell at who I assumed was his mother. "You don't understand! It's the latest model! You don't love me! You don't care! I wish I had a different mother!" His mother looked down, clearly humiliated as strangers walked by and eyed her and her son strangely. I thought I heard a tear hit the cold pavement.

I coughed, gasoline and pollution hit my senses and without warning, tears sprang form my eyes.

"Honey?" I heard a voice behind me and I instantly recognized it as my mother's. I swiveled around, my childish excitement taking over my disappointment to see my mom's face for the first time.

This isn't what I wanted to see either.

Her brown eyes seemed so sad, even though she was smiling. Dark bags encircled the bottom of those eyes and dark wisps of hair stuck out of her ponytail. She looked so pale, tired, and not at all what I've imagined her to be.

She seemed to realize me staring at her and took my small hands in her own cold ones. "Honey, mommy has been working extra hard for you to see again." Her lower lip trembled, synchronizing with her voice. I saw a tear escape her eyes and she quickly looked down.

"I'm sorry if I'm not as pretty as you imagined," she whispered. "But you're only five years old, so I'll still have time to look younger and prettier before I see you in your wedding dress, don't worry." she softly chuckled.

I held her face and I made her look at me. "Mommy?" I was crying. "You're so beautiful. Thank you for making me see."

I buried my face in her chest as I hugged her and inhaled the only good thing in this world I wanted to see. Her warm motherly smell, and her love.

And the sad thing is, I can't even see those.

Then I cried. I cried for a world where the skies are dark and grey, and the trees are gone. I cried for the people who hurt other people out of selfishness. I cried for my mom, who has worked so hard to pay for my surgery. I cried because it felt like I was the only one who could truly see.

I was five years old, but I grew ten years older at that moment.

"This isn't the world I wanted to see."