Have you ever just looked at your crush and feel your heart skip a beat at how beautiful she is? It almost feels like you’re in love. Everything she does is perfect. The way she flips her hair, the way she bites her lip, or even just the way she dresses every day.
But I never got the courage to tell her how I really feel. She would never choose me anyway.
I’m VERY overweight, my face is constantly red, my pimples are everywhere, my hairstyle is a Justin Bieber haircut, and I am so short. I’m serious about that overweight fact. Every time I wear a t-shirt these fat lumps poke through so I always wear a shirt that’s five times too big.
And she is perfect. She’s tall (taller than me. I reach the top of her nose), tan, smart, and she has curves in just the right places. Her dark blonde hair was long and wavy. Her blue eyes are the bluest I’ve ever seen. And her personality…wow. She has a kind and pure heart. She never sees anyone as her competition or enemy. She’s so friendly, outgoing, funny, and caring.
She’s also my best friend.
And she thinks I’m gay.
It’s a long story, but there was one time she asked me who my crush was and I couldn’t think of a different name so I said, “John.”
That’s when she looked at me knowingly and nodded her head, “You’re still my best friend, Beck.”
Of course, since then she was never that shy around me. She would invite me for sleepovers and her mom would let her because they think I’m gay. It was pure torture watching her change in front of me. And I felt so self-conscious because of my size.
All four years of my high school went like that; me being fat, her being gorgeous, me being single, her having numerous boyfriends who looked at me with disgust.
Then we went to separate colleges and our different ways. We tried to stay in contact, but it’s not easy especially when you live 3,000 miles from each other. Our emails dwindled until they stopped. We stopped sending each other letters with funny drawings on them. Basically our friendship was put on hold.
While I was in college, I worked in a construction site so I could pay for my tuition fee. And I was pleased to notice that after four years of doing so; my fats have melted away and in its place stayed a ripped, tan man. I’m so proud of myself. I’ve even had a few random women hit on me or ask for my number.
After I graduated, I started working in a hospital. I am now a Dr. Harley, but I still preferred it if people called me Beck.
Not long after working in the hospital, I got called to check on a patient and I walked to her room, twirling my stethoscope around my finger.
And there she was.
She was as perfect and gorgeous as I remembered, but instead of a teenage cute girl, I saw a strong, mature, sexy woman.
Honor. The woman I fell in love with years ago was standing in my office.
She looked up from the magazine she was holding and those eyes I love so much twinkled as they met mine. “Oh hello there Dr. Harley!”
It didn’t seem like she recognized me. I felt disappointment in my chest for a second, but then I remembered that I was very different from the Beck she knew in high school so it was very understandable.
“Hello Miss…?” I played along.
“Oh you can call me Honor,” she said, holding her arm out for me to take her blood pressure. I smiled as I wrapped her arm and pumped the machine while checking her pulse. My heart beat faster at sitting so close to her.
“You know you remind me of someone,” she said quietly after a few minutes of friendly conversation and me checking her vials and blood platelet counts.
“Oh?” My hand trembled as I wrote her check-up results.
“Yeah,” she said wistfully. “His name was Beck Harley, and last I heard he majored in architecture.”
I didn’t tell her I switched majors after my first year because I felt more people needed healers rather than designers.
“He sounds nice,” I murmured.
“Oh he is,” she looked down. “He was my best friend in high school, and I was in love with him.”
My heart went into overdrive at her words. Was? My head felt light and I struggled to prevent my hands from shaking. “What was he like?”
“Oh a lot of my friend didn’t think of him as attractive,” she replied. “He was a bit overweight, has pimples, and short. Or that’s what my friends tell me.”
“So what do you think?”
“I never saw what they saw. I saw a boy who got me and treated me with respect instead of eyeing my assets. I saw a boy who kept getting hurt every time people bullied him. I saw a boy who gave me comfort even when he himself was in pain. I saw a boy who was a real person. Someone I could depend on.”
Then she paused. “No…I saw a man.”
I just stared at her in silence, not knowing what to say. I felt so much joy in her words, thankful that someone saw beyond the outside. “I sense there’s a but here…” I prompted.
“He’s gay,” she looked so sad. “And you know the weird part? I’m in love with him anyway. I kept wishing that deep down he’d notice me as more than just his best friend one day, but over the years we kind of grew apart.”
I saw a tear roll down Honor’s cheek and I couldn’t help brushing it away.
I walked to the door and made sure it was locked before walking back to her and taking her hand in mine.
“Honor,” I said softly. “Do you know what’s funnier than the number 24?”
Her eyes widened as she looked at me. We were both huge fans of Spongebob and this was our favorite line.
“25,” she whispered then she held my face in her hands.
“Oh Beck,” she said softly as more tears rolled down. “I've missed you.”
“I've missed you too,” I looked in her eyes. “And I lied. I was never gay. I said that so I could be closer to you. I love you ya know.”
Honor smiled so wide, she sobbed as she hugged me tight.
“You've grown so handsome,” she gushed as she sniffed and smoothed her palms over my sculpted chest. Her wavy blonde hair spilled over her shoulders and brushed my arm. Then she looked into my eyes, “Inside and out.”
I smiled down at her, and she poked my dimple, “You got taller too. Now I’m the one who reaches your nose. And you need to shave soon. Your stubble is getting thicker.” She ruffled my hair.
“I love you, Honor.”
“I love you too, Spongebob Beck.”
We laughed and I took her out to dinner, and to many dinners after that.