Happiness in independence

My little
sister asked a question with a lot of innocence which forced me into deep
thinking  and the question she asked was “don’t you feel
scared living alone in a city so far away from our home?”

This
question took me two years back when I decided to leave my house to live
independently. I was very nervous and excited about my decision as I am from a
conservative family where girls don’t go out late at night and have curfews.
Not only curfew, we are also told what we can wear and what we can’t.

In the
early years of my life this didn’t bother me as I thought that I was too young
and I can’t make my own decisions but there was ‘a day’ that changed my life
and thinking forever and it was definitely for the good.

One day I
came back home late and by late I mean around 9 o clock from my friend’s place
because it was her birthday and I could not refuse about staying a little late
but meanwhile I was getting calls after every 10 minutes from my home which not
was not a shock for me. So finally my friend said with mix of frustration and
pettiness voice, “You should go, your parents have called you like a hundred
times”.

I was in
the cab and I was quite happy about the whole day but I had no idea about what
was coming my way. I stepped out of my cab, was walking towards my house and as
I entered, everybody had a furious look on their faces as if I had committed a
crime.

I was not
even asked “how was your day or did you enjoy”. The one thing my father said
was “you came home so late what will our neighbors and society people think
about you and if you don’t care about your dignity and respect at least think
about us, you idiot. It is all our fault, we have given you too much of
freedom”.

These were
not just words for me, these so called words broke my heart and it felt like my
heart shattered in pieces and my eyes were filled with water which was about to
burst out if you saw from the outside but actually my eyes were filled with so
many dreadful questions like just because of this one night they are cursing me
and what about the other days and so many years that I obeyed each and every
order.

Also the
one question that was haunting me was, “they care about the society and not
about me, what I should expect from this I have no idea”. This was the moment I
decided that I will not stay in this place and sometimes you don’t feel safe
and secure with your own family as you should.

Finally
after so much of thinking, I answered my sister that “sometimes you feel closer
to strangers than your own family and that is the reason I don’t feel scared
living outside our home”.