The decision

Tick, tick, tick, tick, first time in my life that sound of my clock was bothering me so much. It felt like my heart was in my mouth, my hands were sweating, holding my phone in such desperation, waiting for that one call. My mom telling me not to wait so desperately for the phone call as it will ring when it is supposed to but duh! I never listen to anybody, not very proud but this is who I was.

So finally the phone rang, my hand were shivering so badly that I was not even able to pick the call but then I calmed myself picked up and heard those words that sounded music to my ears, I worked so hard for an year just to listen to these words, “you got the subject you opted for, you got commerce with math”. Yeah, I know it is not a big deal and all, but for a girl who sucked in math throughout her life but still somehow wanted it and got it, was a big deal. I was shedding tears of happiness and I just could not imagine that I actually got the subject and I was so proud of myself and equally doubting myself that did I deserve this.

But deep inside there was a voice that was always telling me that you don’t like math, you should opt for arts but I always told that voice to shut up because it was not about what I liked or not but what really was forcing me to take math was the pride that it came with. I never wanted “people” to think, “oh it was obvious that she opted for arts, she was never good in studies” which was actually the truth but of course I didn't wanted to accept that. So just to make my peers shut their mouth or treat me with respect, I opted for math.

How long the respect lasted? Only till the very first exam, as I was never the studious kind so I was not able to score and especially in my so called favorite subject MATH. So I worked very hard each day just to clear my exam because scoring good marks was just off limits for me. I shed tears of happiness the day I got the subject but I actually cried throughout the two years.

Each day was like a struggle for me as I never liked the subject but for my so called pride and respect from others, that didn't even last for a month I was torturing myself each and every day. This did not only ruined my two years’ but also I was so busy studying for passing my exam that I could not even discover myself.
I always regret this decision, not because I had to work so hard but because inside me I always knew I am not a studious person but just to fit or to be respected I wasted my two years. This is the reason people say that peer pressure is really life ruining because you do things just to get accepted and not what you really wanted.