Time Wasters Inc.

So this dude was out for a walk. It was a long walk, filled with many cracked sidewalks. Such was life in his town. Out of nowhere, a bear appeared in front of him. Standing up on its hind legs, the bear asked if the dude (whose name was Jim-Bob, by the way, I forgot that part.) had a couple of quarters. "No," said Jim-Bob. It was a blatant fucking lie, but he was sick of being asked for spare change by random riff-raff of the ursine variety. He kept walking and shit, and when he got to an old section of the town, somebody was emptying a chamber pot out of their third-story balcony window, which was weird as well, since this was modern day times and people had perfectly good plumbing. Luckily, that day he was wearing his magical poo-proof hoodie, and it bounced back into the jackass' face who dumped it on him in the first place, which for some reason turned out to be the mooching bear from earlier.

As he continued his wanderings, a guy in a costume started fighting Crime in front of him; not criminals, mind you, but the actual word "Crime". Fucking Crime. He stole, like, three dollars from my laundry money last Thursday. Crime is kind of a dick. Jim-Bob kept going preferring to keep out of that bullshit, and he found a briefcase filled with money on the sidewalk. There must have been at least $150,000 in there, so he did what anyone should do in that situation; he bought 150,000 lottery tickets, and there were no winners, which was weird since they were scratch-offs, and mathematically speaking, at least one should have been worth a dollar. "What a fucking gyp," he thought, and walked out of the convenience store pissed off at the world. Out of nowhere, he died and exploded into, like, a million pieces. Then the bear went to a fancy Italian restaurant with the $150,000 bucks he received due to the fact that he was actually the owner of the convenience store.

The End

And yes, you did waste your time reading this shit.