It's really fucking chilly out tonight. As I go down the darkened alleyway outside of my apartment complex, I look down on the ground. Somebody has dropped a pack of Marlboro Reds. I pick them up, and light one and start smoking it. I live in a college town, which would be nothing if the college wasn't here.It's a third rate junior college, where most of the students are studying to become law enforcement officers. It's 3:45 in the morning, and nobody else is out. I walk towards the campus, where I used to study funeral service before things went south on me. I feel as though I am walking through a post-apocalyptic landscape where no one has been in years.
Life has never been easy for me, but I had everything provided since I was little. I know you're wondering what I mean by that, so I'll tell you. I was the child that should never have been born, when my parents were getting up there in age. I was born with messed up nerves and a genius intellect. My parents were too busy focusing on their own bullshit to notice me most of the time, so they compensated by buying me material goods. They never really instilled a work ethic or any valuable social skills in me though. Sometimes I envy my older siblings, who may have had it harder than me, but turned out better because of it.
A cold breeze blows out of nowhere in particular. I'm reminded of a line by William Shakespeare, from the play Richard III. "Now is the winter of our discontent." Spring has actually been here for over a month now, You wouldn't know it tonight, though. It's only 6 degrees outside, or 43 degrees if you're American like I am. Way to cling to an outdated system, my fellow Americans. It's almost a perfect analogy of life in this country. We're indoctrinated from the time that we're young to believe that our country is the greatest on earth, while simultaneously getting to see that it's not. We're told that we don't have government healthcare because it makes us self-reliant, that voting for our politicians makes a difference besides in their pocketbooks, that we should pay ridiculous loans to get an education... The list goes on. We're made to be unhappy, but too proud and stubborn to admit it.
I turn south on the sidewalk. I see a woman I used to be friends with. We had sex a few times, and unfortunately, she developed feelings. I never did. She absolutely hates me now. I guess I can understand why. She doesn't acknowledge me as I pass, even though I said hello to her as I walked by. I hate how I am sometimes, Some people can care about others. I have a difficult time doing so. I keep walking and sit down at a smokers' table on campus. I put out my cigarette, and light another one. It's now 3:57. This night is wearing me out, but I can't sleep.
I finish my cigarette, and start walking back. I think about how I need to get a bloody job, but am too stuck in a mental loop to do so. As I walk towards the apartment complex again, I dread the light of dawn. I hear the birds start chirping. Back when I used to drink, I called them the hangover birds, and I hated them out of principle. A student walks past me reeking of some good weed. All in all, nothing unusual here. I finish my walk to my apartment, and decide that tomorrow will be better than today. I can't wait.