"Its scary to be alone. They talk to me. They make me do things I don't want to do. Why don't you understand that? I need protection.. protection from myself"
She wrote in her dairy as tears flowed down her cheeks and joins in the pool of tears on her pillow.
At 27, she has always been the pillar of strength for her family and friends. And now, she is weak, and she has no one to talk to.
She doesn't understand why people fail to realize that even the strongest person have their weak days?
Accompanied by tears and pain, she endures each day like hell. But lucky for her, she has faith in God.
She believes this will pass, but day by day, her will to move on decreases and the voices in her head grows stronger and stronger.
"Why don't you just scratch your breast? He used to love them, didn't he?"
"Why don't you just cut your wrist and end it now? It will just take a few minutes and it will all come to an end."
"Let's have some alcohol. It will surely ease your pain. Why don't you have a cigarette?"
"Yes...yes...take that knife...yes...cut it..cut your thighs..That's where no one can see it. No one can question you. Look at the blood gushing through your soft skin. Isn't that a sight for sour eyes. You feel better now? You see...The pain in your heart is carried out by the blood. Out of your system...Good..Go to sleep now. Tomorrow, we will slit the wrist."
The voices continue to haunt her whenever she is alone. She reduced the days she spent by herself.
Her thoughts were her enemy.
2 weeks later,
She didn't enter office for 2 days. She didn't answer her phone. She didn't answer her door.
48 hours passed.
A friend peered under her door and froze at the sight.
She saw blood... A pool of blood on the floor and more blood was dripping on it.
They knocked down the door, expecting the worse.
When they door was knocked down, and the room was open, they realized death is not the worst thing that could happen.
Inside the room, there she was, sitting in her pool of blood.
Her long hair untied and all over her face. Her eyes distant and empty, she looked up at her friends and family standing there, looking in horror.
She smiled. Revealing her blood stained teeth. Blood dripping.
"Don't worry. I am strong. When all these blood are out, I will be okay. I will be strong again"
She dug her teeth into her thigh, that was already revealing her bones.
She cut her thighs, and started eating her own flesh.
The little people in her head told her blood will ease her pain.
The little people in her head were right. When the blood is all out, there is nothing left to feel.
4 days later,
The remains of her body was put to rest, forever.
Sometimes the strongest people may be weaker then we can imagine. And loneliness, could be worse than death.