Remember when we were still in high school, and everybody got a twin sister or brother of our own? What makes it funny is that these twin sisters or twin brothers of ours are not really our twins in reality. They can be our best friends or anyone dear to us.
Like in the first day of junior year, when we saw each other we shout each other's name even in the hallway when everyone is watching. But who cares about everyone, anyway? So, we hug and jump and do this weird dance and only us would understand what it means. We were inseparable, like Cupid and Psyche, Romeo and Juliet, Wesley and Buttercup, and Harry and Sally.
It's fun being with my best friend. We do silly, crazy and nasty things and we don't even have to worry that the other would tell. We even have this kind of motto: What you see, what you hear, leave it here. And sure enough, when a teacher finds out that her chair has been painted with violet, we just shrug our shoulders with our most innocent look saying we're not guilty. Or, when the geek classmate receives a love note from a handsome bully we would throw secret glances and knowing smile then burst into tiny giggles as the geek turns red as a potato.
During dismissal, when no one is watching, we vandalize the classroom walls and we write 'Mrs. Darcy is a horse-loving bitch.' She would turn dark red in rage the next day, accusing everybody as guilty but she'd dismiss us early for her to find her peace of mind.
And when you turn sixteen, she'll be the first one to greet you Happy Birthday. The moment you open your room door her wide smile is what you'll first see with her holding a cake with your name on it.
I love that girl so much even when she bites her nails when she's nervous. Or even when she easily freaks out when we talk about ghosts. And most of all, I fell in love with our friendship. I don't need a guy who kisses me goodnight. I don't need a guy who calls me everynight. I need her. She's everything I want to have.
Having her in my life is enough, too much, even. Because when there's someone I can confide in, when there's someone who can watch me cry in misery, I know it would be her. The girl in my teenage years who can paint the classroom red with me.
But just like the autumn season when all those magical leaves start to fall, just like the sun when it starts to set, and just like love when it began to hurt---we have to let each other go. Sometimes, it's best to let go than hold on and hurt yourself a hundred times. There are things which should be kept, and things to treasure even if it means it's time to throw it all away.
It sure hurts as hell. But I thank her for taking a little walk with me and made those days so wonderful.
After high school graduation, we decided to part ways. She's planning to take up a medicine course while I, I want creative Writing. And there's no university in our place who could offer both courses at that time. We decided to chase our dreams first and let our friendship hang on for a while. Ooh, I'm afraid our frienship will have a tragic ending.
Soon enough, we exchanged our goodbyes and I never thought a single goodbye could tear my life in half. Before and After.
After that, we've heard nothing from each other. Even a 'hi' or 'boo', just nothing. My phone rests there and there's a thought in my head that my greatest fear has finally come. We've been busy, is what I keep thinking. But I rang her once, thrice and the other line is busy. Maybe she found another best friend and here I am still trying to fight for what's been left. Even if what had been left can not be fixed.
I fell in love with our friendship. I fell for it deeply that it starts to control every actions that I make. And I fell for it dearly that until now it hurts so bad thinking it's done. We're done. I'm done.
I'm done thinking about it, done pretending everything's okay although it's not. I'm totally done chasing after a friendship, so I choose to chase my dreams, instead. And you know what's funny? Of course you don't, how would you know when I'm still writing it?
Okay, so that summer, when I went home for a vacation, I saw her. I saw her with a horse---kidding. I saw her with a guy whose tongue is sticking out and is wearing a bra. Kidding aside. I saw her with a guy who looks a year older. And that sudden pain in my heart? It's gone. I'm just happy for her to have found a new friend. I even congratulated her and that made me smile.
I have to understand, I am not the only person in the planet. I am just 4'9 inches tall who looks twelve even when I'm already eighteen because I stopped growing up when I was six. And you have to understand if you think you are just wasting your time reading this because every piece needs a shit. Okay I'm talking nonsense.
You have to understand that not all people would write a blog about their best friends because not all people have been given the chance to meet their 'twins'. And you have to understand that I have to sleep early because our classes would start tomorrow and I still have to stare at Hanbin's picture and everything so excuse me---
I just want to say I'm lucky that I've met Roxann, the girl who paints the classroom red with me. Best, I still love you.