Our happy uncle

Attention, kids! Attention, kids!
Any of you feeling green and pricked?
Day and night candies and gums, you must be sick!
What's the matter? You look like your face is eating you up.
Anxious not, little deer, no sweet in this world
Would ever be as tasty as you so, anxious not.
Let me be your doctor!
No pills that make you gag,
No liquid medicine that runs down your throat the same revolting way.
My words. Honest to Pete.
I'll put the colour back on your pretty little face.
Oh stars and garters! Red will look good on you, jolly me!
And you, my wallflower. Oh you're looking very smart!
But, oh, dear, me! You shouldn't believe those books you been readin'!
They're a kettle of empty fart! A bowl of dead green beans! Bushwa!
The juice in your brain, they're overflowing like twisted veins!
Come, fragile flower, come.
Pollen juice, spare me some.
On a night like this, you kids
Should sing.

Swing low, sweet chariot
Coming for to carry me home.
Swing ....low, sweet chariot.....
Coming for....to carry..me....home.