Hans the hedgehog

Out in the open I can't be,
So up on a tree I hide sipping tea.
Humans, gadzooks! Foul and loud and vile!
I'd rather dip a bath in croc's bile!
The most crooked fact I've learned
After all this being snubbed and spurned
Is those talking creatures walking on two,
Couldn't ever amount to the stuff in a loo.
Many a time I'd had to ditch my meal
To dash and hide like a frightened eel.
"You rotten flesh of a filthy rat!
"Shoo! Shoo! Run along now, you lousy bat!
"What good use is your angel vox?
"Each and every needle of yours stinks like socks!"

"Cease fire!" I'd cry. "Hold your lunacy!" I'd shout.
Nothing they wouldn't do, to see me rout.
Tomatoes and eggs and sloppy melons,
Were their only best weapons.
Of all the nerve, I hope they starve!
Then juicy steaks they can watch me carve.

Oh, what a lot of nonsense! Poppycock! Baloney!
Alone I'd rather be. No fam, no crony.
Lost in this maze of green under the roof of brown,
I don't mind. What'll become of my crown,
Let's not know.
I shall live life slow.
Away from the real monsters,
I can't turn bonkers.
For the rest of my days I shall just be drunk and drown
In my own musical town.