My sister in heaven

Dear sister

You went through so many things in your live. I don’t want to start writing this letter about such things. I want to start by saying all the good things you did in your live. I don’t think you did any person, animal or breathing being in this world any harm ever……..

Maybe I should have said I miss you a lot and I think about you every day. It sounds so cliché………. My brother is about eighteen years older than me, so I don’t remember much from when I was a child. I know my brother can be a difficult person, but this is not about him. Though I take my hat off for all the years of perseverance you had.

I wish I can still make the phone calls when we use to chat. Sighing over good days and bad days. The days we were happy, or days we shared our worries, felt tired, or sick. I told you so many times to go see a doctor, yet you are such a magnanimous (people can go look up the word; there is no better description to use.) person, you put others before yourself. We had our own little whodunits. Not because we wanted to prattle, but my dear, you were such a sensitive little soul. There was a part in you that a lot of people didn’t knew, even if they think they did.

I will never forget the weekends spend with mom, the jokes we made and playing trickeries on her... Sis, I will never forget the beautiful salads you made, with olives, small tomatoes, up to the little pieces of cheese you cut into the shape of little hearts, or stars, or like little stickers, smaller than the size of a teaspoon. You put so much detail and thought into anything you did.

Now when we visit our sister in Zeerust, where your beverages use to stand on the table, there is this silent emptiness. I think about you and my husband that liked sharing a glass of red wine. You always laughed, shy like a child and first asked if he is going to drink some.

When mom started to get sick, I ran away, I could not stand the way she looked. You took care of her in her last days. You were there the night she passed away……….thanks for that my dear sister.

When we heard you were sick, and they are not going to do anything, but ease your pain, all of us just knew; it will only be a few months, not long.

The day we picked you up at the hospital, I had the privilege to spend two great days with you again. I gave you your meds, and we had tea together, our chats and laughs, it was like the old days. We took pictures of my husband, sleeping with his laptop in his hands and his glasses on.

Sis, the hardest of those two days was you being nauseas, running up and down to the bathroom, too proud to use the bowl I left for you to use.

The Wednesday morning when you woke up and complaint about being out of breath. I knew: it’s over. Seeing you lying in hospital, with the oxygen mask, the morphine for your pain, staring at me, I wondered if you could still comprehend what was going on around you.

At least I knew you don’t feel the pain anymore. The Thursday morning they phoned us at home……..

You went away so swiftly, so rapidly………

I miss you…. Say hi, to mom.