Importance of One's Pet

Here be a cat named dog.
It is rubbish at being a dog. One time playing fetch it pissed at me leg. Come to think of it that is rather dog-like. There seems to be no point in complaining now. After a brief search I found me cat sitting at the porch. Licking the missus, my good dog. I walked up and said "Hi, who is the doggy pussy, who is the doggy pussy!" in a funny, albeit manly fashion. Out of nowhere missus slaps me, I'll call the sheriff I will, says she! Sherriff hates me I know, should she call him jail would surely follow. Oh what to do, what to do, what to do, what to do... "GET OUT!" she shrieks stabbing me right in earlobes, not drums mind you I've had mine surgically removed when I was wee, "GET OUT!" once more she commands, surely thinking I did not hear the first time, her voice scares the little birdies, sad little birdies. I panic and move to get dog but before I could step on the pretty porch I hear, "Something wrong miss Breadcrumle?" Oh no the sheriff, he will lock me up with those loonies again he will. No time to waste, must abandon dog or white jacket they'll make me wear. Decide must decide, dog or freedom, my poor scared little...
"Ahh!" I exclaim after a rather dishonorable strike, hitting a man in the posterior my deus how unspor... "Ahh!" Sharp pain strikes once more, "You dishonor me sir! I demand satis... Ahh!" What a madhouse one can't even quarrel properl..."

I wake up in a white room, all fluffy and puffy and white, all around even the door is soft. "No, no too much comfort makes a man soft, I demand harder quarters!" I say, read that bit somewhere can't really remember when. I digress, oh yes, how did I get here must be that scum of a sheriff and his alien weapons, where is the good old revolvers, modern weapons all too white too light too plastic they are yes very much so indeed. While I do enjoy some discord, these moments we agree are my favorite... What was that, I hear a whisper "Bee carfull his hall is eugenics." what nonsense, I have never been to eugenics I am a proud feminist and a humanitarian and I love animals, oh I love everything, except sheriff. I hear the sliding of a metal bolt, oh my door opens. What a disappointment it's not fluffy on the other side; contractor must have been a cheapstake. "I brought you your pills" says the lovely lady in white, why is everything white, "now they will make you okay." she adds. Oh I get it now red pill blue pill, it was in a movie damn good movie, and shame there was no sequels. Wait something bad happened in that movie, but I like trying new things, so I tried reaching for the tray. Damnation I have no arms, "Ahh I have no arms!" I did declare, revelation was too much for me, two big man came in and forced me to take the pills, couldn't see what color, so I hid them, I hid them in me mouth. I must check it later though they looking at me all funny now. "These will make you OK." said one of the big guys "Now go to sleep." yes sleep, blissful sleep; I always see such lovely things in me sleep.

Here be a dog named cat.
It is rubbish at being a cat. It don’t...