If Only: Chapter 1

1
As a child I was very outgoing and bold. I spoke my mind regardless if that -speaking of the mind- affected anyone. I was true to myself and my inner beliefs. But as I grew older and slowly came upon the late years of my teenage life, I became more secluded. I preferred to be alone most of the time and would find an astonishing bliss in solitude. I avoided people for the most part, only socializing or as I like to call it tolerating them when I had absolutely no other option. I became shy and awkward. I was the guy in the group of friends that just stood there and laughed at annoying jokes one of the guys in the group made which everyone found to be utterly hysterical, everyone but me that is.
This is the story of how I conquered my crippling anxiety problem and met the girl of my dreams and what followed were events I could never have imagined in a million years:
I remember staying awake late at night on the top bunk of my bunk bed thinking about life as I usually tend to do because I don't care about sleeping or at least not as much as I should be. It seems to me that the night inspires my thoughts to run wild like a circus lion that was just let out of its cage. I tend to think about the past mostly, but also of the future sometimes. And that night in particular, I remember thinking about a girl. Not someone I knew but someone I was going to find. I am speaking about, ofcourse, none other than the love of my sad, anxiety ridden life. How I'd meet her? what I would say to her? what she'd be like? how many children would we have? And I know thats a bit too much oversight but coming back to the point, I wanted to know her so badly. I had longed for someone like that for a while. Little did I know I'd meet her in just about two years after that day of me lying awake ruining my sleep for someone I barely had the courage to talk to.
Two years later, I was sitting in my english class of 11th grade, wondering when it would end because it was boring. And when I say boring I mean-watching a plant grow- boring.
"And so william shakespeare solidified his legacy by producing the masterpiece we call hamlet today" said the teacher.
"Boring", I sighed.
"Can any of you geniuses remind me what shakespeare first play was called?"
As Soon as I heard the teacher ask this horrifying yet simple question, I started ducking my head behind the person sitting infront of me. Hoping he wouldn't see me and go "You there, young man"
And I'd go " I don't know, sir"
Then he'd go "Get out of my class room you ignorant little mongrel"
And then I'd be embarrassed and have to change my name to 'Bob marry' and move to kentucky state. Okay I'll admit that is a bit of an exageration but I think everyone would agree with me when I say 'High school is merciless'.
He finally pointed to a girl sitting in the back of the class.
"I don't know, sir" she said with a very squeaky yet sweet voice.
Her voice echoed in my head as the teacher replied.
"I'm going to spare you this time but only because its your first day, pay attention next time".
"Shakespeare's first play is believed to be written by -most academics- in the year 1950. The name of the play was Henry VI, Part One which is, in fact-" the boring yet wonderful teacher continued with his little history lesson.
Now I say boring because well, he was boring.
And I say wonderful because if he had not proposed a question to the girl in the back of the class then I would never had turned around to see whom possessed that squeaky yet beautiful and soothing sweet voice.
And that is just what I did next. I turned around looking for her but realized soon enough that it could be any one of those girls. I had never heard any of them speak or hadn't paid any attention to them or how they sounded like. How could I ever know who it was-
my eyes landed on a girl wearing a pink T- shirt with kittens on it and wearing blue jeans that were not too tight yet not too baggy. She also had a ring on her left index finger with a blue stone. Her hair was black with a hint of brown and she had blue eyes. Her nose was small yet a little pointy at the end. She had chubby red cheeks yet she possessed a jaw line that, dare I say rivaled even mine. She had a wide forehead with well groomed eye- brows. When she smiled I saw that one of her central incisor tooth under her upper lip was chipped from the left side. How I noticed all this from six feet away? No Idea. I guess playing all those video games made me very observant and increased my vision. That or I just stared at her very long and hard. I'm surprised she didn't notice a creeper like me staring at her for so long.
I prayed to all the Gods in heaven for that girl in the pink T-shirt, blue denim jeans, black-brownish hair with the chipped tooth to be the one whom possessed that irresistible squeaky yet beautiful resonance of the the vocal chords.
Then I heard her speak.
"Sir, Can you explain that part again please? I didn't quite understand" She asked with a heavenly voice that could shatter the coldest of hearts and melt them into a liquid that would grant the drinker eternal bliss and joy.
It was her. The girl I was thinking about two years ago that late night on my bed. I had finally found her. Or so I thought. I could finally meet her. I could finally get to know her. Or so I thought. I could finally be happy. Or so I thought at that time. Life has a way of playing itself out sometimes. It's rather Ironic. But very fascinating. To me at least.