Gamble with desire……

“Nothing is impossible for a willing heart” I shouted, standing at the beach’s corner as I looked at the calm sea. There is nothing like a self-belief, and trusting your desires. I started to write a letter to my beloved, Orland (National Level Shooting Champion) .

As I initiated; I was struck. What and how to write was the confusion; somehow scribbled a few wrinkles along the paper and dispatched it; with the promise it will reach to Orland soon. Sometimes, no matter how much you want things to happen; all you can do is to wait. And it is the most difficult part; nevertheless anything worth having is definitely worth waiting for.

At my home there were a bit of discussion between me and my friends regarding this spirit of love; everyone fired me with different questions and subjected me to a test. According to everyone around; because he presents a pretty smile, and he is a celebrity I was in love. My heart had already decided, and very strongly declared it as passion….. Just love.

And then the day arrived; I will treasure all through my lifetime…

I was turned on to ensure his message on my cell phone, but was uneasy as well, what if he is not the one and someone merely trying to misuse, or seeking to make fun out of me. I was worried, and then I asked one of my friends to call him on my behalf and speak to him. And cross check whether he is the one or someone else. The conversation between them lasted for almost 10-15 minutes, and all the curious questions were asked.

Everything went perfect with that conversation, but the only problem was; I was not a part of it. Hence, I thought, will send him a message apologizing for my action since my friend was speaking to him without expressing the true statement that she wasn’t me. He responded, it’s perfectly fine and I can call him back if I desire to.

He was all I desire for; I was in love with him and wanted to tell him. However; I carry myself back and decided to text him; asking if we can be friends, and once I earn his friendship; I will confess my love.

He didn’t reply; afternoon turned into the night; day into two, and weeks went by. All I could do was to wait; I thought calling him might ruin this. Though I struggled; every single day, I didn’t make a call. My heart was aching; by seeing his cold response. Finally; I gave up my idea of not phoning him.

“Hello, ” Orland said.

“Hello, It's me Jenny” I answered.

“Oh! Yes, I remember,”

“You didn’t reply; to my message, I am sorry if I asked something indecent” I said apologetically.

“No, it’s not like that; it’s just that I am already in committed relationship”

“What? I didn’t get you,” I said with a surprise.

(The call disconnected, due to network issues)

I thought; I needed to call him back and expand the conversation; this sharp end will appear unfair.

“Hello,” as he picked the call.

“Listen, Orland; I only want to be your friend; really!”

“Well, I told you; I can't; I have a girlfriend, and she might not like all this”

“I am sorry to disturb you” I disconnected.

I was in love with him; still I could reconcile myself with his friendship. Even so, he was stern not to pay that too. And one night, while I was lying down on my bed thinking about the things happening around; I received a call from his number.

“Hello,” I said enthusiastically.

“Jenny, right?” female replied.

“Yes, whom am I speaking to?” I demanded.

“It’s Ramya, Orland’s fiancé; Mind, girl, don’t you even attempt to call my man again. I know what kind of girl you are, so if at all you try to get in touch with him, I am going to sue you” she said angrily.

“Hey! I recall, there is confusion; I haven’t called him”

(She disconnected)

“Was I very wrong?” This question banged my head. Why am I blamed, and what for? I require to study this question, from the person for whom I induced to face all this, and hear this nonsense.

“Hello,” he said.

“Your lady friend called me last night; she threatened and mistreated me for no reason” I mentioned.

“I am regretful; she is a bit insecure person. I am apologizing now. It happens”

“But why? Tell me, have I done something incorrect? Did I upset you in some way? Then why?”

“Jenny, you need to understand my commitments. It's my obligation to make her comfortable. I am sorry, but I really can’t help, ” he pronounced slowly.

“Ok! As you say,”

“Listen, I really can’t keep everyone around me happy, someone will get hurt, I am sorry that it’s you this time.”

“Bye!” I disconnected.

While I was busy trading with my mess, one of my friends suggested “why don’t I grab one of his allies and take help from him to reach to Orland?” It was like using someone for our benefit, which was definitely against my principles. But love made me so blind that I blanked out everything.

Without putting much of the effort, I got to where I desired to. Domnique (Orland’s game partner) and I set up a meeting. The only problem was that I had to flee to a different city to see him,But it didn’t matter because it was worth. We both decided to meet over lunch, and then he will take me to show one of the shooting range, where Orland and Domnique practice together. Though, I haven’t mentioned, him about my feelings for Orland, but I thought will tell him once we take on.

Life has its own way of teaching lessons, and it taught me one. As I and Domnique met; things turned out to be different. His gestures and actions made me feel insulted and abused.

What can be done about it? I was the one who was responsible for it; I decided to use Domnique, to reach orland. Blaming Domnique will be wrong; since it all started because I wanted.

After collecting all the courage, I decided to share it with Orland. It was the most difficult decision I have ever made in my lifespan, since talking about this will remind me everything;I had to work through the mental injury once again. I called him…

“Hello,” he said.

“I need to talk,” I said slowly.

“Even I wanted to ask something; Did you see Domnique?”

“Oh yes, so you are aware; I did nothing, I was not aware about it, in fact, I am still driving myself away from all this, it was so irritating” I bust down.

“Listen, Jenny, whatever occurred, try to move out of it, it's blending to be hard, but it's not inconceivable. After all, you are a strong girl. Your life is not so feeble, that anyone or any such incident can take it.”

“You are articulating this, because of whom all this took place,”

“Jenny, you can blame me, cuss me or whatever that can realize you experience better, but don’t keep on punishing yourself just for this single incident. Life is long, there are many beautiful things, you will see soon. Here I, promise, I will be your ally, you can ring me up every six months and talk about whatever you feel like” he read with exuberance

“Ok! Thank you,”

“Don’t thank me, you wanted my friendship, it’s yours now. Hope God gives you success” he disconnected.

Question answer round was over; whatever I wanted to talk about was done. Why complicate matters any further? Difficulties change the person, make them strong, and thusly did I. I perpetually desired to tell Orland so many things; about my desire and love, apart from the pain I went through, in this journey called “love”. He never threw me an opportunity, or maybe I could not. It was a gamble with desire, which I lost partially….

My desire to be with the man I love; made me pay high prices. It cost me, my self-worth and pride. The tip I still wonder about, the friendship I earned; was that a voice of sympathy or out of the business? Or it was from his heart because he realized I was not wrong?