Holding up was the most irritating thing to oversee; particularly when you are sitting tight for somebody whom you are about to meet for the first time. Nervousness keeps building up; and in this way was the longing. My cell phone telephone battery spoke the truth to pass on; the most widely recognized inconvenience cell phone clients face. In this way in the long run, whatever I could was to hold up and continue checking out at individuals' appearances to recognize that one comparable face I am searching for.
"Hey… ." Someone said.
"Pranay… ." I provoked.
"Yes… . Aahna?"
"Man, I let you know, not to get late, " I said with a little smile.
"Yes, a statement of regret, " he replied.
It was arranged; to catch a film, yet because of shaky timings this thought was rejected. Thus the request was, what next alternative we convey? In the end, he came upward with an estimation; that we ought to sit by the coastline and see the dusk. It was something I appreciate the most, and sounds truly sentimental and extravagant.
"At that point where is image processing going?" Pranay asked; while we were in a taxi.
"Well! I genuinely don't have a clue; possibly some place" I replied with a smile.
This was the inquiry, I was very tired of. Being a scientist means; portray your work to each and every individual you see. It really has begun frequenting me, and after that I regularly maintain a strategic distance from these sorts of discussions. In addition, I was with him not to talk about this; but rather to know him better.
While sitting, I took a gander at him various times, and each time I felt, I am discharging a bit of me. His invigorating grin and complete parity of mind and insight made my heart jump. It was such an uncommon blend to get, and it made me feel more reinforced. I was adoring each and every part of the discussion; it was so brimming with life and loaded with play.
As we sat along the stones confronting the dark blue magnificent ocean; sharing Channa chhor garam, the icy breeze relieved our countenances. We sang about existence, unmoving ocean and its magnificence; where I have a tendency to acknowledge he is not that delicate of water. He referred to that he has a sort of water fear and is sensitive to clean.
"You realize what, I confront challenges in breathing amid the storm season" he referred to.
"What? Is it true that you are not kidding?"
"Yes, amid the crest storm months I need to take outside help"
"And after that for three months you can't inhale" and I tittered.
I envisioned in my astuteness, why convey a medication; next time in the event that he confronts comparable condition he can telephone me up, will give him mouth to mouth relaxing. Despite the fact that I didn't say this to him, since I wasn't certain by what method will he react to this obtuse reaction. He generally expressed that he is a bashful individual; subsequently this may make him minimal uncomfortable.
While sitting by him; Manier times an inclination crossed my chest; I craved embracing him near to myself, yet I purposely spared the jug between us.
The ground I held myself standoffish was, the Indian, universal society; which doesn't allow a young lady to show herself so strikingly. Besides, the significant reason was; I didn't need Pranay to get uncomfortable or feel jumpy, which could demolish our delightful evening. So I kept it genuinely basic.
Life is so damn flighty, it was only two days back that I didn't even know this kid named Pranay, and now I am sitting by him and getting insane. As I review, one of my companions proposed me an application on a cell phone, which I downloaded only for investigating. Also, there I discovered Pranay, it was a social application, where similar individuals can get together and talk. All things considered, seeing at both of us, none will look or sound so absurd to take an interest in such an amusing stuff. Presumably, it's the manner by which life lives up to expectations. I was elevated by the certainty; in any event I picked up a companion out of this doltish application, so it was worth downloading.
There was nothing favour or extraordinary in our initially meeting, aside from the individual I am meeting with. The genuine enchanting identity, with a tint of cleverness. I savoured each and every moment, sitting adjacent to him. Taking a gander at him, made me feel more wonderful, his appearance had an uncommon tranquillity that could beat anybody settled. Precisely as I was occupied with investigating my thoughts,
"Hey, would we be able to go to a motion picture now, we even can get it," he inquired.
"You beyond any doubt, I would prefer not to get late back home" I answered hurriedly.
"You can hand down it in the middle of and go, on the off chance that it will get late,"
"Alright! At that point we should keep running for it"
We dashed to discover a taxi, and get to the multiplex as fast as would be prudent, so as not to miss the begin. All things considered, we did it well, the motion picture spoke the truth to start.
Theatres and motion pictures are so not my stuff, but rather simply in light of the fact that Pranay cherishes it I chose to move along. Each bit we settled our self along the last couch seats, I shut my legs and got myself comfortable. It was the hardest and tiring day all things considered, so believed it's chance to unwind now. Rather than sitting consummately straight, I inclined a tiny bit towards Pranay, perhaps in light of the fact that I craved to feel him minimal closer.
Since the theatre was dull, it was troublesome for me to comprehend his accurate position; is he fine with it or is he sort of exasperates. In any case, later I understood, he was very alright sitting with me like that.
At that place was something to lay our hands on, which was normal to the two of us. The first run through, his hands went to mine, I could sense the flash inside me. It was interesting and a long ways past depiction, I knew it was distinctive and uncommon, however I looked crosswise over and put forward to appreciate the motion picture further; continued snickering at entertaining scenes and discussing the film.
"Tune in, Aahna, you got the chance to expound on us," he said haphazardly.
"What? Are you joking me" I answered.
"Compose our story; our account of incomplete dating,"
"Incomplete dating… " and I snickered.
"Compose how we met, what we got along and everything; a genuine record"
"Alright!" I grinned.
"I am not kidding," he grinned back.
It was the satire sort of film, and we both were kind of appreciating it. Amid the photo show, I frequently watch out, to inspect him, see his grin; however he never watched me acting so. I was getting a charge out of each bit of our wildness.
"Ahana, you owe me a blessing, recall that?" he inquired.
"Really, what kind of blessing?" I grinned, and afterward we went to get the film yet again.
A night prior to, while talking over, he connected a truly amusing word "cleave"; which helped me to remember my adolescence days. And afterward he said, "you owe me a blessing in light of the fact that I appreciated your youth recollections". In answer, I let him know, will bear the cost of you a kiss as an ability. In spite of the fact that he concurred, however commented, he is a modest soul, he may not be fit to start anything in addition to it will be his first kiss."first kiss" I was shocked to hear that.
Immediately a days individuals begin kissing at 10 years old, and he hadn't kissed even a solitary miss. In spite of the fact that I was in the long run upbeat, in light of the fact that I will be the first young lady in his life, whom he is going to kiss, so most likely I will hold a fundamental place in his life all through.
As we ended our discussion that night, my brain continued pondering; why did I propose him a kiss for such a little detail. Kissing is something that is connected with sentimental wooing, and amid that point, neither me nor Pranay was considering anything genuine. It was only a piece of excursion, that gets two individuals together. I knew, I was not the individual who might kiss somebody, simply in light of the fact that he enunciated a word from my youth days. Finally, I gave everything; let the day and the man I am meeting choose. Luckily, I discovered an ignition as we met.
"Don't you need to get your story intriguing, Aahna?" Pranay inquired.
"What are you saying?" I answered.
"Yes, zest it up, give me my blessing,"
For a few moments, I blanked out. I craved to kiss him, hold him near to me, feel him around, yet I was uncertain about his answer so I turned away it. Without the slightest hesitation, I set my lips and gave a peck on his cheeks. That moment, I hopped around, my heart beat and said "amazing, what a force".
"Do you oblige one consequently?" he requested.
I just set my face in front, he kissed me back; a warm grasp.
I could sense the enthusiasm inside of him as we kissed endlessly; however it was the first kiss for him, it endured inside of me. I could sense him pretty much as he cuddled me up with his arms, the warmth I felt was exceptional. Something was extremely solid between us, perhaps the craving that was sparkling inside us; took us together for that bit. His heart was beating quick, his breath was intersection mine. All of his motion held over me, his arousing touch that made me feel respected.
Everything was along these lines not quite the same as what I have ever felt, in my lifetime. I wished, theatre to go exhaust and lights to get obscured, and we could continue kissing all as the night progressed.
I could see, how much enthusiastic he was, however he never gave ladies a fortune; I felt fortunate to be the first in his lifetime. That bit, whatever I could consider was him around me; yet in the event that this goes on for a solitary day, I was fulfilled. He has claimed me totally, he won my fondness.
At last, we needed to pass the film lobby since it was getting late for me. As we left, I was loaded with a blended assortment of touches. There were heaps of things irritating me, out of which one was, the way did Pranav feel about
It was a central issue sticking around my head. So as I considered a taxicab back home, I chose to content him. In any event to verify, he is satisfied with everything.
" Hey, Pranav… I had an extraordinary time with you. Much obliged for making it a superb affair. Trust you feel the same way,"
I knew it’s nothing, nothing more than just a kiss, and a short portion of the excitement that dominated both of us. And then I received his reply “Aahna, I was a bit uncomfortable and shy during the first few transactions of our encounter, but once we began to babble in the cab and while sitting near the sea, I was absolutely free and loose. In fact, to be honest, I thought you will kiss me on that point, but since you didn’t, I planned out for a movie, so that we can relax.
This plan worked out well for us, and then I am glad.”
I was relaxed, after reading his reply, at least things worked well for us and he enjoyed.
“Partial date” was the name that Pranav suggested for our relationship, it looks odd, already people defined their relationships along the basis of commitments and live in, so we have brought in a fresh concept of partial dating. It was more like being friends rather than being lovers. No pressure, no dedications, no issues; just fun and delight. Traveling along the route, that comforts both of us, and perfect for someone like me.
We see new people every day, but then we don’t strike for everyone around, it was a strong attraction that got hold of me, and the feelings were just too far off for both of us.
And a well-known fact, broken people can’t form a secure and substantial bond, so we kept it simple, by not involving an emotional slant to it. It was the treaty we signed in, nothing Lovey Davy.
And then the phone pinged on watssapp,” have you reached “from Pranay.
“Yes, thanks for the concern”
“You look Lil taller in pictures, though you are just 5ft, right?”
“Yes Pranay, correct ”
“I loved kissing you, wanted to explore more, happy that it was obscure, or else probably, I could not have disturbed you,”
“I know, things were on my side, I am glad you did, that too passionately,”
“Hope you didn’t take me otherwise, as some horny guy, full of lust”
” No, kissing is not something that defines all this,”
“My heart was pounding fast, perhaps because I was frightened, possibly because it’s the first time, or perhaps because of appreciation,”
“And then you have mixed feelings, huh?”
“Yeah, sort of ”
I was exhausted to talk anything much, so terminated; even he was drained of vitality. Further, any more discussions won’t do any good to either of us. And then why holdback on discussing? The day ends and hence was the kissing story.
Normally, stories of life don’t end this way, particularly if they commence with a kiss on the foremost date. One thing I was certain about was; Pranay is not my kind of guy, he is excessively different. He doesn’t even make an eye contact while talking. I can also put this, in a way that I am just too dabang for him, and I may not fall as part of his interest. Whatsoever may be the reason; The causes can be many; few of his, few from my side; it is quite clear that we both just can’t be a thing; and can’t end up falling in passion.. In fact, if I try to see into his optics; he says it scares him, as if he was doing some wrong, so eventually, even I can’t look straight into his eyes.
Every emotion that we feel, says something about us; what I felt, was something weird and unnatural. Our today is anywhere born from yesterday; our current state actually defines the past that we both experienced. Pranay and I, both had past theories. Altogether I could sense, it wasn’t full enough to make future filled with lovemaking. We both were too guarded to be in any serious sort of kinship; but what could be the result of our current partial dating concept.
“Hey, how are you” ping from Pranay.
“Hi, I am fine, you say?” I messaged back
“Thus hold you started writing, our story?”
“Yes, I have started,”
“Ok, then tell me what do you sense about marriage?”
“Matrimony is hypocrisy, and we are part of it. Your opinion?”
“I sense the same,”
“What about the serious relationship, what if you fall for someone?”
“I cognize, I won’t,”
“Why, how come you are so sure about yourself?”
“Because I am still not concluded with my past, I still love her,”
“Ok! Then you don’t want to pass on a chance to someone; maybe replacement work,”
“No, I don’t feel so,”
There are so many moments you can portion out with anyone; someone and you just feel that the moment will last forever; when it is only a moment. The time I spend with him was just next to perfect. I was deeply satisfied and very happy. Thought that often occupied my head was, what is Pranay thinking about us? Is he happy, unhappy or indifferent, will he ever sees me again or is it just the one meeting and over. I can’t wait for perfect moments add up; so I made that moment special by kissing him. Now what’s next?
Each meeting occurs at the precise moment for which it was meant. For the most part, when it will have the best effect on our lives. We don’t meet individuals unintentionally. They are intended to cross our way for a reason; that reason was obscure for me.
I’m not looking for holiness, shallowness, virtue; these things are found after this life, not in this life; yet in this life I inquiry to be totally human: to feel, to give, to take, to snicker, to persuade lost, to be found, to move, to love and to desire, to be so human. As the days passed, my affections for Pranay go solid. Gradually I began to understand that it’s getting more than simply a fun. I wasn’t precisely certain when it happened, or actually when it began; All I could comprehend was that I was falling hard for him. I was falling. Falling through time and space, stars and sky, and everything in the middle. I felt for a considerable length of time and weeks, what felt like lifetime crosswise over lifetimes.
“Hey, how are you Aahna?” my phone ringed with his message.
“I am fine” I replied back.
“Listen, we can plan to meet up tomorrow,”
“Oh! Great, but where?”
“That we will decide tomorrow morning,”
“Okay, as you say”
Maybe I was destined to forever fall in love with people I couldn’t have. Maybe there’s a whole assortment of impossible people waiting for me to find them; Waiting to make me feel the same impossibility over and over again. However much I wanted someone to want me, there was nothing I could do to make it happen. Whatever I did for them, whatever I gave them, whatever I let them take, it could never be enough; Never enough to be sure and never enough to satisfy them. It was never enough to stop them walking away and never enough to make them love me. I had no courage to repeat all this again, since Pranay already mentioned, he loves that girl even now. I loved him for that moment more than I thought possible, but it would end. I might chase the phantoms of these feelings for a while afterward, but in the end I’ll concede defeat and move on. Nothing is meant to last; some things are too painful to chase after their expiration date.
“Hey, Pranay, have planned something” I messaged him the next morning.
“No, actually I am going somewhere else” he replied.
This life is the thing that we make it. Regardless, we’re going to derail here and there, it’s a well-known fact. However, the great part is we get to choose how we’re going to destroy it. I could sense, a feeling within me, that was saying I am falling for this man. However, I simply recollect, some come, some go. The ones that stay with us through everything – they’re actual closest companions. I knew he is not the one of those kinds.
Everything left me wondering, what should I do; should I continue to be in touch with Pranay and accept the fact that he can’t love me, or should I quit this insensible relationship; because eventually it will turn into pain. All I know is that I’ve squandered all these years searching for something, a kind of trophy I’d get only if I really, really did enough to deserve it. Anyhow I don’t need it any longer, I need something else now, something warm and shielding, something I can turn to, paying little heed to what I do, paying little respect to who I get to be. Something that will simply be there, constantly, in the same way as tomorrow’s sky. That is the thing that I need now.
Is there anything here I can call my own? An inclination? A minute? Anything? Will there ever be a period when I am genuinely cherished? When I know it and not think about whether it’s genuine? Is there something I can secure and love and think about? Is there a truth I can keep that has no dread connected? Will there ever be a period when I can be some place and it will feel like home? Will there ever be a period when I will look around me and know I am at last in the spot I should be? Is there anything here, anything I can see, while I inhale and inhale, attempting to stay alive sufficiently long to simply have the capacity to be here and realize that I am here? Any here as well as the here I should be in. Is there anything that I can call mine that won’t in the end be take from me? Is there anything, anybody, ever?
So I gave up. I’d finally had enough of chasing after a ghost who did not want to be seen. I failed, maybe, but some mysteries aren’t meant to be solved. As I messaged him “ Pranay; its been an immense pleasure in meeting you, it looked perfect and amazing; but may be I am feeling something serious, called love. You might never feel the same, no harsh feelings; just that, our journey ends here. Thank you for a wonderful day, I will cherish all through my life; take good care” There’s always some relief in giving up.