Anxiety

by M smiles
I sit on an edge of a cliff. The constellations appear perfectly above me. It is time for my conversation.
'What do you want in life?'
"To die"
'Why?'
"Because I am sure, that's where it all ends."
'what ends?'
"Seeing tragedies. Murder, inequality, discrimination, ignorance. Knowing that those things exist makes me feel more helpless."
 'why do you care?'
"I just do. I keep thinking about them. I keep thinking the same thing. Why don't I just NOT care? After that, my mind will immediately think-- wait, if I do not care, my future children will someday be exposed to these kinds of traits. If they are not educated properly, they will become one of those people- so, I HAVE to care. One way or another"
The being nods. 'What is equality and inequality anyways? You spoke like you understand those terms'
"I don't quite know the exact meaning behind them, really. I'm gonna be honest about that."
'Care to elaborate your opinion? I know you want to. You do not have to disclaimer me about you; having an average mind'
I shook my head. Stupid.
"Equality. in logical terms it means every individual gets the same treatment, I presume. In simple situations equality can be applied. However, in a more complex manner, that is-- where everyone have their own totally-different-variety of perspectives. For instance, gender equality.  I've heard various of thoughts about it. One of the infamous thoughts is about wage-- How women should receive the equal amount of wage as men. Apparently this happens in many countries. The other kinds of notorious titles regarding gender equality/inequality that is, ownership inequality and survival inequality. Whatever people's debates about them I've always thought, wait a minute, HOW can there be gender equality when men and women aren't even equal? We are biologically different by our chromosomes, how can we force ourselves to expect men and women should be treated the same way?"
'Proceed'
"To be short, men and women will never be equal, because we exist to complete one another. Ladies bare children, gents provide for the children, both parents educate the children."
'Then who will do the house chores? The women? Based on the world's sentimental mindset nowadays, that WILL be considered as gender inequality.'
"To immature youngsters, they WILL find it as it is. Relationships is about supporting one another. If you are a fully-fledged adult-- by fully-fledged, I mean mature enough regardless of your age because age never define maturity. Everyone knows that! Anyhow, it will depend on the parents themselves; whether or not to lessen the burdens of one another! You'll get the gist."
'I get you.'
"Of course you do."
'Have you been sleeping properly?'
"no"
'insomniac?'
"I hope not"
'Then what is it, if not insomnia?'
"I think too much"
'So you overthink. Just like everybody else'
"If everybody overthink like me, then I would have many friends already. Since it can be a common thing to start a conversation by now."
'haha. You are just born weird'
"Is this the insecurity room? I figured it would be more cramped and damp"
'Hmph. Hey, what are those whispering?'
"Oh, just words. They show up from time to time"
'What do they say?'
"Some things like, 'you never diagnosed a real doctor, how can you be so sure about your illness?' and 'When it comes to sensitive matters (like religion), I can't decide whether to agree with you or not because you and I aren't experts in this'."
'What is your answer to those questions? They sounded so cynical'
"They aren't cynical. It's called being honest. My reply to those words deserves the same honesty. 'I haven't been diagnosed. Haven't got the chance to--for now, and I will never self-blindly admit of having a particular illness'. For the second whisper, that is true, I appreciate the honesty."
'but?'
"sigh. but we talk trash all the time. Bad mouth people, gossip, chatting pointless things, exposing, cancelling, slander. Then, when it comes to giving a little speech about religion, it is a seen as too holy. When in my religion, this religion guides it's followers to live the right ways. Guide us to make the right choices to lead onto the right path. This religion is the guidance of life. I never heard of people saying 'It is the guidance of the afterlife'. So I do not see the wrong in discussing about that matter. Being cautious is compulsory. So that is the point of having discussions, is it not?"
'Yeah, maybe some people think that only the pious should speak of the matter. Why didn't you answered her that way?'
"My opinion don't matter"
'Ha. You should move to the insecurity room now.'


'


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