Tourettes is a curse

.04% of people with tourettes obtained it from Geodon. I’m included in that percentage.I was put on Geodon for my schizophrenia and bipolar disorder during that month. I wasn’t born with tourettes, I willingly gave it to myself without knowledge of being able to obtain it. Geodon has a side effect of a twitch that can turn into tourettes. In February of 2013 I began having little tics. I thought they were cold chills. Back then they never affected my life and that was a time where no one noticed them.

In order to be diagnosed with tourettes you have to have had 2 motor tics and 1 vocal tic for a year. I’ve only been officially diagnosed with tourettes for 3 months even though I have had it for 2 ½ years. Being diagnosed with tourettes was one of the worst things to ever happen to me. I sat in my room many times and cried because I was different… I wasn’t unique I was just different. There were countless times where I would scream when no one was around. Why would God make me like this? If he’s suppose to love everyone, why did he not love me? I rethought my life, thinking about what I could have possibly done wrong to deserve this kind of punishment.

There’s time when my tourettes is so bad I can’t go out in public because everyone stares. I get a lot of comments such as “can you stop doing that?” or “why are you hitting yourself.” Sometimes children become afraid of my movements and sounds to where they run away or start to cry. I’m a monster… Tourettes is a monster. I went to church every sunday for my entire life, but as soon I received tourettes they baptized me. When the tourettes continued after the baptism I was kicked out of church. They told me I was possessed.

You’ll have people tell you that tourettes is not that bad and that it doesn’t affect daily life… That is one of the biggest lies a person will tell you. We don’t want your sympathy! We want you to act like we’re normal. A majority of people suffering from tourettes is handicapped. I have a handicapped parking pass and it is the most embarrassing thing I have ever had to use. I was going grocery shopping and when I got out of the car and some woman told me that I should be ashamed of myself for using a handicapped parking space when I didn’t look handicap. This was the day where my tourettes was so bad that I couldn’t walk.

The worst part of having tourettes is when you have a tic attack. I tic attack is like a seizure. Tic attacks throw me on the ground and take over my body to where I can’t control anything. Tourettes hurts my body. I have tourettes in my heart and my lungs. When I am having a tic I can’t hear, think, breathe, see, or use any of my senses. This makes it extremely difficult in social settings and work. When you get tourettes it’s not just you that suffers from it… Your friends and family do too. I have bruised many people that are close to me, including myself.

When I first got tourettes in 2013 I almost committed suicide. Tourettes has ruined my life. Right now I have better coping skills and go to support groups for tourettes, but I will always have a strong hate for tourettes. I have not been blessed with a unique trait as some people tell me, I have been cursed with a lifetime of pain and being the different one… I will never be the same. There is a 8% possibility my tourettes will go away, but as of right now it’s more likely that it will get worse and disable me for the rest of my life.