The Time I Got Lost Inside My Mind

by Delma
I won my battle, for now. 

Yes, I am a person who was in depression.
Exactly one year before, I was in a shitty place.  I was not just sad, I was thinking over and over about how much of a failure I was.
 Pondering over the mistakes and wrong decisions I have made. Crying for no reason at all. Wondering if I will laugh or smile ever again.
For me, life was ruined. At one point, all I could do was just lie on my bed.
I couldn't sleep properly, for weeks the only way I could sleep was, I cry for hours so that my body get tired and would shutdown itself. I remember sitting on the bed in my parents house, I didn't leave that room for 2 days.
I couldn't talk to anyone, even if I want to, I felt helpless. I could not even utter a word because of fear of judgement from others. I stopped seeing people altogether. Only people I saw during those days were my mom and dad. Nobody knew what to do with me. The best thing everybody thought, was to give me space. And that was the worst thing to happen. Because I was not fighting with anyone else, I was fighting with myself !!

They say there is demon inside every single person. I've met mine last year and that was depression. The inner me, telling myself, that I'm a failure. I will never succeed, I will never find happiness and my life is done. Each day that voice inside me grew louder and louder, until one day I couldn't take it anymore. I still don't know where I found the energy to speak. I talked with my parents, and they understood everything I was going through. Just as you cure any disease, they helped me get treatment for depression, and like recovering from an illness, I got better. My medicine was family and friends. I talked and they were there to support me through it. The endless crying and pools of tears finally cleared. I started smiling again. Rays of hope started blooming inside me and life went on. I lost myself during those days but finally I found her back, the real me.

This was my share of depression. Lots of people go through it ,but no one dares to talks about it. Everybody tries to forget about it all. But I don't want to, because that was the moment which made me strong. Which helped get where I am now. I still have lots to go, but I know one place that I don't want to go back to. It fuels my fire to burn stronger. To people out there fighting their battles, trust me, you have the power to win. Rediscover yourself and never give in to your demon, because once you reach the rock bottom, you can either stay there or go the only way possible, that up. It's not that easy but you can do it.

For now, I have won my battle. Depression might come again, but now I know how to overcome it. And I will have my friends and family. Even if you don't have help within your reach, all you have to do is shout out to the internet, help will come your way. Next time you see someone who refuses to get up from the floor, tell him/her that you understand and they can talk about it with you. A single line offering help will save someone's life.
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Liked it alot?
Anjana Suman

Anjana Suman

October 23, 2017 - 08:46 I am glad I found this. I am fighting depression too and I hope I would be able to find my way out of it like you did. Thanks a ton!
Delma

Delma

October 23, 2017 - 09:25 Hey Anjana, Stay strong and keep your mind open. You will get better, trust me on this. Slay your inner demon :) And feel free to chat with me if you need someone to talk to.
Anjana Suman

Anjana Suman

October 23, 2017 - 10:36 Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you knew how much they mean to me. But I couldn't find a chat option in the portal, and I am totally new here. Where can i find it?
Delma

Delma

October 23, 2017 - 12:13 Typotic has a global chat, so its easy for your message to get lost in the tons of msgs each day. delmapaniyeri20@gmail.com This is my personal email.. Feel free to send a Hi there anytime you want :)

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