self exile

I am and was a battered lamb
on a journey to self exile
seeking sheltet.freedom.vengance
oh the smell of freedom
so tempting
so alluring
so sweet

They think
I must have been misled
taken unwise decisions
they think I stray
but no
I do not stray

Rather
betrayed.injured
pushed out
into the cold dark night

Alone
in a world of my own
fighting for what is called
survival
a strong will I posses to
defeat.conquer
and show myself capable

Suddenly
the voice from the past
echoes in my present
ignites the hurt
buried in my memory
sliding mybody back wards
in retreat
to a path that had once
led to home

But I am enraged
in times of adversity
where had my protectors journeyed
perhaps
in the darkest time in my life
I was thrown alongside myself
fighting my own battle

No
I did not drown in the sea
I did not choke in the crowd
my feet were frozen
to the ground
to keep me from falling

And now
how dare they speak to me
of consideration.consolation
and counseling

Now home calls back
a call back
to comfort zone
I am weakened
by the ferniliar smell of comfort
but if comfort
drains all that is in me
and causes water fountain
streaming my face lines
I want comfort no more

I am of a strong personality
a strong heart
a strong will

How dare they pretend to care
they say I shine
they say I change

Yes
I want change
I remain I self exile
ruling my world.