Perfect After all

I believe in acceptance. Everyone is judged at some point in their life, but others get judged to the point where it’s bullying due to their differences. This is what happened to me. I was so incompatible that I ended up being secluded and alone. Nobody wanted to be my friend because I was so different.

In school, for as long as I can remember, I was always bullied. It wasn’t just words, but I wish it was. I was shouted at, names like whore, ugly, fat, stupid, liar, and so much more. Although, that wasn’t the worst part. I was also violently kicked, shoved, punched, and I have gotten locked in a locker in the girls locker room. For most of the day the locker room was quiet and depressing. I stayed in the locker since second period. It wasn’t until sixth period that I was rescued by a student. I spent my time in there excessively crying and thinking about how much I wished I was dead. I never did anything to anyone. I was so different because I am gender fluid. I wasn’t always sure whether I was a girl or a boy, but I mainly felt like a boy on most days. This was not only unacceptable at school, but it wasn’t tolerable with my father either. I will never forget the day he grasped my arm and shouted in my face “You are a girl! Start acting like one.” The truth is that I am a girl on somedays, but most of the time I’m either confused or I’m a boy.

The bullying got worse my junior year of high school. That was the year I developed tourettes. I believed I was cursed. I would wail myself to sleep at night nearly every night because of how much I hated myself. Tourettes abused me and sometimes other people and that was the most unfathomable thing to deal with. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I didn’t understand why this had to occur to me. My father doesn’t believe I have tourettes, he just laughs at it and pretend it’s not real. Little does he know that the jokes hurt, and the unacceptance hurts.

I despised myself more than anyone or anything. It got so bad that in the winter of my junior year, I almost committed suicide. It wasn’t just me that hated myself though, it was everyone. I was the number one hated person at my high school. My name was in everybody’s mouth, they would always make fun of me and taunt me. I needed an escape, I needed to leave. I was a worthless waste of space. I blamed my mom for bringing me into this cruel world. I just couldn’t comprehend why I was born if everybody is going to hate me.

Senior year came and I re enrolled in a vocational school to do something I love and to keep me away from my former high school. The bullying didn’t end. I still get bullied every single day, but now it’s different. I met my two best friend’s this year. I never thought I could have friends. Everything transformed. Someone actually stood up for me, someone actually wanted to hang out with me. Sometimes people will not accept you and occasionally people will be mean to you, but no matter how long it takes you will find your place. You always belong somewhere. I believe in acceptance because everyone is perfect in their own way.