Love And Secrets

Crystal stood in front of the mirror, looking so beautiful in her wedding gown. Her hair was made up magnificently. Her features were so delicate, like that of an angel. I had to muster all my strength to keep myself from hugging her. All I could do was to stand behind her and feed my memory with every inch of her.

Then she saw me by the mirror.

"Franz, I'm glad you came," she smiled. But was that sadness in her eyes?

"Of course! I don't want to miss seeing you wave goodbye to your single status," I leaned on the wall by the door of her room. I need support.

She smiled at my lame joke. A smile that didn't reach her eyes. Or was it just my imagination?

"You look beautiful." I said, couldn't hold those words in anymore.

"Thanks," she looked away.

She indeed looked different now than she did six months ago. When she was suffering from Chronic Liver Failure and had to undergo liver transplant. My cousin Brent promised her his liver, after he confided his love to her in front of everyone. She cried and thanked him. Nobody want to die. Everybody's scared of dying. Even I, wouldn't want death to come, especially to her. She's so fragile, ever since we're in grade school, she would cry easily even in just a simple trip or stumble. I had always been there to help her, save her, and cheer her up. I was like a big brother who was always protecting her from everything and everyone.

That's the sad part, I'm just like a brother to her... I'm just a friend.

My cousin Brent had been so fond of her since they first met two years ago. I saw she's enjoying his company too. So when Brent told me that he really love her, I stepped aside, and wished for their happiness... even though I was dying inside.

Now, looking at her wearing a white wedding gown, seeing her getting married to Brent, the pain in my chest was more than I could bear.

The liver transplant was successful, she was able to live a new life. And after the news of her successful operation, she and Brent announced that they're getting married. That announcement almost killed me. It drained all happiness in me. Yes, I love her, that's why I wanted her to be happy. Also the reason why I conceded when Brent asked me to keep the truth hidden from her... the truth about her liver donor...

Brent promised her his liver because he loves her so much. And she was so happy with that. But the result of the screening test told us that Brent's liver wasn't compatible with Crystal's, the world crushed down. That's where I stepped in and offered mine. It turned out to be a match, so the operation began immediately, and it was a success.

Brent was worried that Crystal might be unhappy with him because he failed her with his promise, so I assured him that she will never know it was my liver who saved her.

"Say, Franz," her voice brought me back to the present.

"Yes?"

"Can we still be friends even after I marry Brent?" she asked almost innocently.

"Of course. Why not?" I laughed unnecessarily.

But when she turned to look at me again, there's not a trace of smile on her face.

"Is there a problem?" I was alarmed. That feeling of protecting her suddenly switched on.

She looked down on her fidgeting fingers. I can see she's nervous. Or maybe just excited.

"We're friends, right? And we've been telling each other our secrets. So I guess I can tell you another secret, for the last time. Can you promise to keep this secret?" she stared into my eyes, melting my heart right away.

"Have I ever broken a promise? All your secrets are safe with me, all of them... your little brother's toy that you broke because you hate him, you ate his ice cream then told him a bully took it from you, your Mom's penny that you took to buy a new toy, your... first crush," I recalled some of them.

She laughed. Not her usual laugh though.

"Nobody knew it until now, see? You can trust me," I assured her.

Then her smile faded in an instant. She looked troubled.

"What is it this time? Is it that terrible?" I took a step forward, closer to her. I wanted to reach out and hold her close to me, but I put my hands firmly in the pocket.

"You see, I'm marrying Brent."

"Yeah," I looked away.

"I'm marrying the man who gave me his liver so I can live a new life.

I just gritted my teeth. She could tell me all her secrets, but I couldn't tell her mine. I felt horrible, no better than a traitor.

"I'm marrying a man..." she paused, closed her eyes as if gathering all her courage to say the next words, "I don't love."

I was a bit shocked.

"You don't love Brent? But you were happy being with him. I could see it in your face every time you were together," I voiced out my disbelief.

"Because he's my friend. I enjoy his company and laugh at his jokes. But I don't really love him," she averted her eyes.

"Then why are you marrying him if you don't really love him?" I demanded.

"Because he gave me this life. If I die, I would never be able to see the man I love again. I would never be able to hear his voice," her tears started to flow.

"I see," I said, just like my case, huh?

For a moment, I was tempted to tell her the truth. That it was my liver that's inside her now. But that would be selfishness. And it wouldn't make any difference. Besides, I made a promise to Brent, I can't turn my back on him.

No, no. I can't do that. I love her, and I want her to be happy. She will be happy with Brent, she will learn to love him someday. As for me, I will stay as her friend... until I die.

"Don't worry, that secret will be safe with me as always. I will not tell anyone," I promised her with a forced smile.

"My final secret..." she added, hands in her chest.

Huh? Another secret?

"There's someone that I really love."

Someone...

Who?

My mind raced. Could it be their new neighbor who was always talking to her every morning? Or was it one of her co-workers? This part about her, I know nothing of. It had been years since she last told me about having crushes. She wasn't seeing anyone, I'm sure of that. I'm always on the watch.

When I heard that she's going to marry Brent, I thought I almost died. But now, hearing that she's in love with someone else, I died twice, and felt more than twice the pain.

"After an hour, I will not be free anymore. I will become Brent's wife. But my heart's restless that I can't even say goodbye to the man I love. It hurts inside," she said, wiping her tears with the back of her gloved hand.

I felt her pain. I wanted to hug her but I had to restrain my emotions.

"What do you think, Franz? Will it be bad if I let him know that I love him? Will you despise me if I go to him now and kiss him before I marry Brent? Is it a total disgrace if..." and she broke into tears.

I feel so bad. I want to hug her and cry with her. I want to be mad at the person causing her this much agony. It's so painful to see her in being tormented like this. I stepped closer and stood in front of her.

"No, it's your feelings. Everyone should understand. After all, you have been a good girl always following the orders and the rules. We can expect others to scoff, but this is your last chance to let it out. That man is so lucky to be loved by you," once again I supported her, even if it's killing me.

"You think so? Then it's okay if I go and kiss him now?" she looked up and stared at my eyes, blinking her tears away.

"Sure. There's nothing wrong with it. As long as it makes you happy," I said, trying to swallow the pain in my throat.

"Thank you, Franz," for the last time she wiped her tears with the back of her hand. Then she held my shoulders and gently pull me towards her to give me a brotherly hug.

I smiled and closed my eyes as I waited for the hug. Then I felt her soft lips on my lips.

For a moment, I was dazed. An overwhelming feeling filled my whole being. This is just a dream, that's it, just a dream. Being hugged by Crystal felt like heaven, and this, was far beyond the universe.

When the sweet kiss ended, I was afraid to open my eyes and realize I'm only dreaming and that she's not really there. Then I felt her wipe my face. When I opened my eyes she was still there, looking at me, smiling.

"I love you, Franz," she clearly said, her voice was rich with emotions.

I opened my mouth to speak, but words couldn't find their way out.

"Goodbye," she said and then she left me standing there.

Was the man he love... me?

I wanted to know very badly. I should. I must. So I ran after her. But I found her in the spacious living room, standing in front of Brent. I froze. That's when Brent saw me.

"Franz," Brent called.

I slowly walked to where they are.

"I think it's time to tell her your secret," Brent told me.

"That? But..." I hesitated.

"I heard your conversation, I was supposed to tell her I'll be going ahead to the church. But I saw you were having an important conversation. Then I came to a realization, I just want Crystal to be happy. I don't want to deceive her just to make her mine when she doesn't even really love me. So please, tell her the truth," Brent said, looking at me straight to the eyes.

"What truth?" she faced me, suddenly demanding.

"Brent was not fit to be your liver donor," I started.

"This is not his liver?" her face turned pale.

"No."

"Then who?" she demanded.

"It was me," I said.

She swayed a little and I caught her instinctively.

"You," she softly said.

"Yes. And I got one more secret that I should tell you," I held her close to me, oblivious of the gathering crowd.

"What is it?" her voice became a whisper.

"I had been in love with you ever since you turned sixteen. Maybe even before that. But I didn't want to scare you away because we were so close," I slowly said those words.

Then she buried her face on my chest and broke into tears. I hugged her even tighter and let my tears flow. That moment, we were totally oblivious of the people clapping their hands and cheering for us.

---Finish---