Leaving the Past In The Past. Part 3

After the incident, I made concerted efforts to renew my relationship with Tope. I was going to work hard at our relationship. Tope deserved better. He had been very good to me. I was just going to have to live with the guilt of what I did. I could never let him know what happened. It would break his heart. Despite all my efforts, Tope’s responses appeared cold and I was worried. He claimed he was busy but I couldn’t believe it. Even though, we talked to each other everyday, it seemed as if there was something missing. I couldn’t figure out what it was. His trip was to be for three months. I sincerely hoped we would last that long.

I did not take any of Soji’s calls or respond to his incessant messages to talk about what had happened. I realized that that had been my first mistake. Talking to him in the first place had caused more problems than I could have imagined. I was not going to let that happen again as long as I could help it. One evening, I got a message from Soji.

“Look, I know you want to end all this. I can understand that. But all I’m asking for is to see you one last time. You needed closure remember? Let me at least have that.”
Something about his message made me sigh. He was like a wart that wouldn’t go away. But I would be wiser this time. I wouldn’t let him get to me. This would be on my terms.
“Alright Soji. Let’s meet at The Place near Lekki on Saturday. 6pm. The last time.” I didn’t give him a chance to disagree.
He was waiting for me when I arrived and pulled out my chair for me to sit down. He was obviously set out to impress. We started chatting and somehow time flew by. I don’t know how he managed to do it but somehow he managed to make me feel at ease and less awkward about our intimate encounter. I got a sudden urge to look at the time. It was 8pm. Time to leave.

“Let me drop you off,” he offered. I knew that was a bad idea but then again he had managed to not touch me all night even when we were talking and laughing. Dare I trust him? It was as if he could read the hesitation in my eyes.
“Look Abigail,” he said spreading out his arms. “I would be lying if I said I didn’t have feelings for you. I want to marry you. But you have made it pretty clear to me where your loyalties lie. I’ve accepted that. This might probably be the last night you’ll see me again and I don’t want to miss any minute of it.”
“Nothing will happen?” I asked hesitantly.
“Scout’s honour,” he replied. He had never looked more sincere.
It was around 11pm that night that I discovered that he had no honour and neither did I. I realized too late that where he was concerned, I had no self control. I had sexual encounters in the past but that was before I met Soji and we had met in a Christian fellowship. I was a changed girl then. He had never pressured me for sex until now. Perhaps he changed for the worse after we broke up. After our ‘last’ meeting and my battles with guilt and remorse and asking God for forgiveness, I defriended him on facebook and cut off all communication. I worked harder on my relationship with Tope and it seemed as if things were getting back to normal. Perhaps I could just put all the ugly incidents behind me.

That was before I discovered I was pregnant two weeks before Tope was to come home. After panicking and doing different tests for about three days, I called Soji. He told me coldly that he could not understand what I was talking about. The intervals between the times we met, anything could have happened. And he assumed I was on the pill. I could not believe my ears. And then again, it did not surprise me. It was just like Soji.
A few days later, he must have had a change of heart because he called me to say he was ready to marry me if I wanted to keep the baby but that the ball was in my court.
I do not know what to do about this baby. Tope is coming home in a week’s time. What, how do I tell him? How can I marry Soji knowing the kind of person he is? Why oh why had I not allowed my ex to remain in my past?