I really did not know why I let Soji in that night. I mean I knew we were done. There was no way I was going back to him. Tope and I were heading down the aisle in a few months and I loved him with all my heart. But I guess Soji and I needed closure. We had broken off rather violently and I still smarted from the things he said to me that awful night. So when he started chatiing with me on facebook, I felt compelled to answer and we started becoming friends again. He called me occasionally and said he was glad that we could still be friends. I guess I was glad too. Soji was so different from Tope- all fiery and demanding. Tope was like an angel-easy to please and dependable. But I guess I still missed Soji’s presence in my life.
One night he called me that he was passing through my area and he just wanted to say hi. It was around 7.30pm, still a decent time by Lagos standards. I lived alone but I did not feel that was a problem. I had never been physical with Soji and I was certainly not going to start that night. I agreed and he came in and we started gisting about our old friends. I didn’t look at the time until it was 3 hours later and I realized it was getting late. I told him the time and he sighed.
“You’re right,” he said. “I should go. But I don’t want to. I’ve forgotten how easy you are to talk to.”
I smiled in response. I bit my lip to keep from saying that he never said that while we were dating. As the saying goes, you never know what you have until you lose it. Besides, it didn’t matter now. I belonged to Tope. Soji stared at me for a moment and told me that breaking up with me was the biggest mistake he had ever made. I could suddenly feel my heart racing as he said: “I need you Abigail,” and leaned towards me. I did not realize when I started kissing him back but I pushed him away. He apologized and quickly took his leave. I could not believe what had happened. How on earth was I to tell Tope about this? I couldn’t let him know about it. It was just a stupid mistake…one I knew wouldn’t happen again. I knew that it was dangerous to keep talking with Soji but I reasoned that we were both just on an emotional high. He was my ex after all. We got caught up in the moment. An unguarded moment.
We would be careful next time. Then I caught myself. What was I saying? Next time? There wouldn’t be a next time. Soji was unlikely to come to my house again. I would just keep talking to him but limit physical contact. Well, that was the beginning of my self deception.