I dont understand

I dont understand
why I ache for you
with cravings of
dangerous desires

I dont understand
why I lay up all night
like a wrench
thinking only of you

I dont understand
why you are so indifferent
yet I love you so much

Yet when I come close to you
my desires melt
and grow cold
like the harmattan season

I dont understand
after thoughts of you
that tortures my soul
I stiffen at your touch
I do not mourn at your kisses
my heart do not dance
in anticipation
of your lovemaking

But I cannot
let you know of my aloofness
soon you will find out
soon you will leave me

I want you so badly
yet it is my body
that rejects you

Perhaps
it is the fear
of my virginity
the clutch of my insecurities
that compels my desires
all I want
is to feel like a woman

Maybe I understand
maybe I do not