Confession of Viqram

She has witnessed every shade of mine. I believe she is smitten with me.She never leaves me for a second.

I am talking about hollowness which resides inside of me. I have made friends,girlfriends to get a sense of 
togetherness,just to fill that empty cavity.

Unfortunately,I have never procured that sense of proximity. 
None of my relationships sustained for more than 3 months. I had sex with some of my ex-girlfriends. I thought it could help me in some way,but i was wrong. It didn't help me in any way. 
It just revealed the twisted shade of mine.

One day I was having sex with her. And Somewhere between in making out I stood up, went to open the drawer, found a razor there then i went back to her,she was lying in my bed. I held her right leg & made a cut on her calf,started sucking the blood which was gushing out from that wound. 
Surprisingly,She didn't say a word. She just kept crying. She didn't even try to stop me.I think she was scared of me at that time.

More Astonishing is that she didn't leave me after that incident. We broke up for some other reason.The reason is, that one day i just stopped talking to her out of blue.

I don't know the precise reason behind this. In fact every single relationship of mine ended up like this. 

I just do it again & again. I talk to people,make relationships,hang around with them & then i stop talking to them.

I think my emptiness is so insecure that whenever she thinks that i am going to leave her.she makes me to seclude myself .

In the time of being alone I feel nothing but emptiness.After being with hollowness for a while i start becoming restless then i make some new friends,girlfriends & this interminable cycle goes on & on.

I remember once a friend of mine asked me ""what's in your mind?"" I told ""There are many things but you can't find anything because it's too dark here""