A Pair of Wings for a Heart

I wonder how long I have been here. I have been wandering for eternity yet I would always end up nowhere. I wasn’t looking for an exit, there is no such thing. It was my way to spend time while I think back on why I was here in the first place.

Pain, that’s all I felt. Everything was going fine, well as far as my memory could provide me but all of the sudden I was falling down the great sky. I don’t even know why. I had followed what they wanted me to do, I never questioned them yet this happened to me. Maybe I wasn’t fit to be one after all. To be an angel that is.

Suddenly I felt like my body was slammed flat to something rock hard and solid but at the next second, I felt warmth and comfort.
It was a young woman who looked at me with such tenderness in her warm chocolate brown eyes. Her long auburn hair fell around me like a veil of curtain shutting out the rest of the world. She was beautiful. With her velvety voice, she asked me if I was okay. Was I?

Why am I here anyway?

I had forgotten whatever had happened before I met this beautiful creature but somehow I felt that it does not matter. What matters is my answer. I said I was okay.

With a frown that I want to erase form her perfect features, she asked me what I was doing on the streets. I stared at her eyes for a while before I was able to find the use of my voice, “I don’t know”. That’s what I answered. She then asked for my name yet I only said the same thing again, “I don’t know”.

With a concentrated look which I found most adorable, she uttered a word which I soon discovered was supposed to be my name.

“Licht?”

That was all I was able to reply yet she nodded with much enthusiasm that could rival a child’s. I asked her why yet she didn’t verbally reply to me immediately. Instead, she ran her fingers through my hair.

“Licht means light in German. I suddenly thought of it when I saw your hair. It has the color yellow…I think they call it blonde. And since it only reaches your shoulders, it looked like a halo around your head just like an angel’s halo. Do you like it, the name I mean?”

I could only merely nod yet she rewarded me with a bright smile that lighted my cheeks in a color that was the same as the pink ring on her left hand. I was then shown that I was in the same gender as her when she had invited me to her house even though she knew nothing about me and made me stand in what she called a mirror.

Through the use of this so-called mirror, I saw that she was right. I do have yellowish hair that she had previously called blonde and my eyes were blue which she said reminds her of the sea that she loves to go to when she was younger. I, of course, was delighted that I have something that acts as a reminder of what she had loved.

Days passed by in a flash between us and she let me stay with her and with every new chapter that unfolds between us with every rise of the sun, I found myself falling in love with her. No, that’s not right. I had actually fallen in love with her the moment I laid my eyes on her.

Love…How could I forget? It was love all along. Stupid, foolish love.

“What are you doing?”

What was I doing? I’m not sure what it’s called but I had seen it. It was in a small, rectangular machine that shows people in it and you can control how loud or quiet their voice was.

“Stop trying to act like you’re a child! Use your brain for once!”

I then found that she wasn’t as perfect as I had first perceived her to be. When she gets angry, her face twist into an ugly scowl and the angelic face that she has disappears immediately. She has a very bad temper yet I love her so I shall accept it.

“What? You saw it in the television? Licht! You can’t just kiss people especially on the lips! It’s inappropriate and we’re both women! We can’t do that! It’s disgusting, immoral!”

When she said the last two words, I felt something hit my heart. It was painful. She hurts people too when she’s mad but I love her so I will accept it.

“Only people that are in love gets to do that okay?”

I was then confused. I do love her so why can’t I do that? Is it because of this woman thing?

“Wait, Licht. Y-You’re in love…with me?”

I nodded and smiled. She smiled back yet she laughed at the same time. I didn’t like that she did. I wasn’t joking when I said that I love her so why was she laughing?

“Oh no. You’re not…kidding? Y-You’re serious?”

Honestly, I would like it more when she laughed because now she looks at me with a look that she had mentioned earlier. Disgust. Why is she looking at me like that? I thought love was supposed to be a good thing then why does she look so revolted by it?

She didn’t answer me though I didn’t really ask but she knew that I was waiting for answers. Sometimes she was selfish too but I love her so I could accept it.
She left the house on that day and she didn’t come back until night. I waited for her yet I caught no sight of her. That’s when it dawned on me while I was reading a book about love. I finally realized why she left the house, love between two same genders were forbidden and immoral. I couldn’t understand why it was though. Love is love. It doesn’t have anything to say that it was a male or female. I love her, isn’t that the most important thing?

Apparently it wasn’t.

I then found her reason on why she couldn’t love me back. It wasn’t because we were both females, it’s because she was already engaged with a man. They were getting married in a few days. That was the significance of the pink ring on her left hand. When I found out, my vision turned red.

This isn’t fair! I had loved her first then why couldn’t she be with me? Is it because he was a male while I was a female? Is that it? This is the basis of love and morals? Gender? If I was a male then would she love me?

That was the day I met him.

He has no face, no eyes, and no body. He was simply a dark void that came from deep within me. He said he was formed by my loathing, my jealousy and most of all, my love. He said he was going to help me. How? By making a wish, as simple as that but it has a price.

Then I did.

When I looked at a mirror, I wasn’t able to recognize the one that was staring back at me but I eventually did. This ‘person’ has hair that was as dark as night with eyes that were gray, seemingly devoid of life. The ‘person’ has a strong jaw with a build that was consisted of muscles that made the person look strong.

It was me.

My wish came true. I became a male so I could love her.

I traded my wings just to make my wish come true. It wasn’t important anymore. I was a fallen angel. I could never soar once again.

I could still remember the look on her face when she had first seen me. She looked so surprised, fascinated and scared. When I introduced myself, I saw her eyes twinkle in which I easily recognized since I had seen it countless of times on others but I never knew I would see it on her own earth-colored eyes.

“I am Duke Theiln.”

I saw greed.

She abandoned her fiancée for me. She could be very greedy especially when she couldn’t pick one but I love her so I should accept it. Weeks had passed and she was falling in love with me. No, that’s not right. She had actually fallen in love with me the moment she laid her eyes on me.

“Yes!” I had proposed to her with a blue ring inside a tiny box. She had tears in her eyes, I too had some. She jumped on me with a cheer in her voice and I happily slid the ring towards her finger that I had learned was called the ring finger.

That’s when it happened. I was supposed to be happy, she was supposed to be smiling, and we were supposed to have a future together.

The doors slammed open behind her and we saw a man that had the same look that I recognized. It was the same look I held when she left me for him back when I still had my wings. His eyes were red, murderous and he held something in his hand that glinted dangerously in the moonlight that he pointed at me.

I was surprised. What is that? She suddenly screamed and I was unable to think anything further. His finger bent then I heard a bang that made my ears ring. I saw her fell. What had happened?

She took the bullet for me.

It took eternity for me to let it dawn but when it did, all I could do was weakly call her name as I held her bloodied body. She was still beautiful like before except this time red tainted her purity.

Why? I had just made her mine! This isn’t fair! I sacrificed so much yet this is what I got in return? I just want her to love me back, was that so hard? That’s all I ever wanted! She’s not supposed to die. A beauty such as her should not die for a demon like me. She deserves to live.

He came again with that pathetic broken void of his yet his voice was ominous. He said he came from my depression and from my love. He said he was going to help me. How? By making a wish, as simple as that but it has a price.

I did.

Warm chocolate brown eyes came in contact with my own. I could only smile while I feel myself revert back to who I was before. I felt hair come in contact with my shoulders once again. Her eyes widened when she saw who I really was.

I gave up my life.

“Licht?”

Yes, I was. I was also Duke Theiln.

“Duke Theiln…Wait! Your name!”

Ah. It seems like she had figured it out. She was smart and I love her for that.

“I love you.”

She cried for me. I know because the black feather that I left for her was wet and they were salty. I was grateful that she cried for me yet it pained me at the same
time. That was weeks ago or maybe months or maybe years. I’d forgotten how long I was down here.

Duke Theiln. It wasn’t really a name. It was more of a word that I reconstructed after seeing it on one of her books that I used to read.

Dunkelheit means dark in German.

I just realized something. I never got her name. Foolish me. Oh well, wherever she is or whoever she may be, I would still love her.

I still love her even if I went to hell because of it.