Silent Commitment

The way we met was unusual, well to me that is. It was after the most horrible thing a human in love could ever go through: breaking up. She came in the form of a gentle voice with an innocent smile. Honestly, as cheesy as this will be, I wondered if she was an angel that came down from heaven above to save me from this excruciating pain. I could remember everything so vividly as if it only happened a second ago. She burrowed a pen from me.It was a tech pen, .3. That was all it took for everything to change.

It was silly really, stupid even, liking her just because of a stupid pen but I didn't regret it at all. Since then I would catch my two own eyes looking at her, trailing every curve her lips would make whenever she smiles, watching where her hand might land or brush but with all of those fleeting glances I could never look at her in the eye; those glinting, beautiful eyes of hers. I don't know why or maybe I do. I was afraid of getting hurt. After all, nothing was constant. Nothing is constant. So where's the guarantee that she won't leave me like what my used-to-be other half did? Yet that didn't meant that my heart wouldn't skip a beat whenever I see her. She was just so intriguing, so innocent, so...so...different. Anything suits her dainty and petite body and she was just so adorable in anything that she does.

But what's frightening is a single fact that practically slapped me in the face one day.

I don't even know her that well. I just knew that she's beautiful, cute, adorable, joyful, cheerful but all of that were merely a pleasing exterior, wht everyone could see. What about the inside of her heart? Is her heart compassionate? Does she have a golden heart? Is she as caring and kind as her eyes? Or is she selfish, cold and like the female dog?

My uncle suffered in that fate. He married a woman that did nothing but break his life apart. She was selfish, cold, and exactly like the female dog. Greedy as a leprechaun if I may add.

So what now?

I told a friend about it all and I was thankful but I knew that she knew that I still was at loss. It took me a few encouragement from myself and some more talking, some came from my mother. The answer then came to me in the form of another deep talk from one of my friends.

There's really no need to rush. Who said that you need to be in a relationship just because you love someone? From what I learned, sometimes it's enough that I see her everyday smiling that classic, timeless smile of hers. I couldn't careless if I was standing on the sidelines. It was enough, really it was, that for me I can carry these sentimentality towards her. Enough that I care for her. Maybe one day I can call it love and actually say it to her but for now I'm contented to be in this silent commitment.