WHY TRAVELLING TO AND FROM SHAGS(UPCOUNTRY) IS HECTIC.

by magdalne njeri

Travelling to and from shags is a migraine inducing a fair especially over long holidays. During
Easter I happened to travel home. My rural area happens to be very far from Nairobi and this
always rise my blood sugar faster than the number of zeroes in Zimbabwean dollar.
Despite my pocket grumbling state I had managed to acquire a pair of leather tights. My curves
looked sexier in that pair of leather tight that cost almost to nothing. I had a top knot hairstyle, a
blue top and black high heels which made a lot of noise as I walked warning people to make use
of their earmuffs lest their eardrums get damaged.

To some reasons I like sitting at the back seats of the Matatu (passengers’ vehicles). Next to me
was Kiptanui. He seemed to be excited with his own voice. Kiptanui kept picking calls along the
way and talked non-stop. His voice was irritating. It was like a cat scratching the window
pane. Worse he spoke in vernacular. kiptanui’s screech-like laughter put my teeth at the edge
and the best I could do is silently pray that his side of the Matatu hit a massive pot hole and the
phone get thrown out of the window.

If he was not calling he was busy assaulting me with his acidic breath trying to tell me how his
prayers for along time partner have been answered. To give an indication of disinterest of his
CID-like interrogation, I wore my earphones. But he proceeded with his verbal verbiage. Honestly
that was not seduction, it was verbal rape.

Kamau, who sat opposite us behaved as if he was carrying safari ants in his pants .He was
constantly fidgeting in his seat and in an annoying fashion. He sat his legs sprawled as if he was
in his mpango wa kando”s (side chick) sitting room and then proceeded to remove his nuclear bomb-laced
shoes. Whenever the Matatu stopped at any stage he wrestled his neighbour out of his window
seat seeking to buy food from hawkers. He even ordered the Matatu to stop so that he could buy
Mutungo (boiled maize). Kamau stuffed himself with food and before we realized, he was
requesting ‘’Tafadhali devera simamisha gari tumbo imeleta shida’’(please driver pull over the
car, I got a stomach problem).Poor Kamau little did he knew that travelling with a toilet friendly
stomach was the nearest he could come to hell on earth.

The Matatu pulled over near a bush. Kamau rushed out of the vehicle and disappeared into the
bush to spread Ammonia like Homopithecus. He ended up overstaying forcing the driver to hoot
which was a cure for that walk of shame towards the Matatu looking all sheepish.
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