The Love That Never Was

I still remember when we first met. They say our first meeting is like a fairy tale and I couldn't agree more. What happened 13 years ago was still printed in my mind and I'm sure it will always be remembered by my heart.


Flashback


I woke up with a feeling that something's wetting my face. When I finally open my eyes, the gray sky greeted me with drizzles. I sat up and look for my parents but they're nowhere to be found. I remember my mom telling me to pack my stuff because we're already going home and oh, before you ask me where we are, we're at the middle of the forest, having a family camp.


I walk to our tent from the flat rock that I was lying. I open our tent but only to find out that it's empty. I wonder where they went.

I called for them as the rain starts to pour harshly. I run around the forest to call them but I just find myself lost. My surrounding begin so dark I can't see a thing. The purple jacket that I'm wearing and the gray beanie in my head are already soaked with rain.


Then a boom suddenly made me jump. The sky's echo resounding in my ear once, then twice, I squat and cover my ears unable to move.


'Mama! Pa! Mark!' I shouted but there is no use. 'You're a big girl, big girls don't cry' I remembered when my mom always said that but I just can't help to cower in fear. Unconsciously, I began to break into a sob as I felt chills crept into my skin.


I force my feet to stand up and walk, you'll be fine, you'll be fine, I chanted in my head. But the lightning and thunder is crumbling my hope of either finding my way back to the tent or finding them.

The rain continuously to pour as I saw something, a light. I tried to walk towards it but it disappears. Suddenly, the light I saw directed at my face making me scream and jump in surprise.


'Hey, it's alright' a voice said but I can't make the person's face.

'Are you okay?' He sounded concern and confuse, instead of hearing my answer he suddenly pulled my hand and we ran, I don't know where we're going but I trusted his cold hands that's surprisingly giving me a feeling of warmth.

Finally, from a far I saw a mahogany house. We're getting closer to it, so maybe that's where we're heading. After what it feels like a marathon run, we finally arrive. He let go of my hand and I suddenly felt colder.

I look up and saw a boy. A gorgeous one. He has dark-brown hair, coal eyes, pointed nose and pink lips.

His skin is pale which really contrast my brown fair skin. His kinda tall which made me guess that he's way older than me.


'Mom!' he called and a lady appeared in front of us

'Oh, why are you wet? Who do we have here?' she ask him and looks at me

'I found her lost in the woods and she's cold mom, can you let her change?' My heart made a small flip hearing the concern in his voice

'Sure, come here sweetie' the beautiful lady held out her hand and I reluctantly place my small ones

After she gave me clothes which I assume her daughter's clothes, I ask her where the bathroom is and her eyes widen in a surprise. Well, I can't blame her, I'm a six year old for god's sake but my mind works way older than my age. I brace myself for a laugh but she just smiled and points the door to my right.

After I change, I saw the boy with a towel hang in his shoulder. He then saw me and lead me to the living room where they have a fireplace. He then pushes a sit towards me and he let me sit on it. It's surprisingly comfy and warm. Then, I felt a towel over my head and hands over it. I look at him and he just smiled. I can't believe his drying my hair!

'I can do it' I protested as I try to yank the towel from him

'I know, but I want to' when I say that my heart made a flip earlier now it's doing somersault

'Honey, I'll just call your dad and make you soup. I bet you can look after her' her mom wink at him and I can't help but bow my head to hide my embarrassment

'So... what are you doing in the woods?' he asks me as he took a sit by my side

'I'm looking for my parents, we're having camping and I fell asleep. When I open my eyes they're gone' I explained to him

'How old are you?' I ask before he can open his mouth to speak

'I'm 8' so I'm right, he's older than me

'You?' he asks

'I'm 6' I bit my inner lip. I'm not really comfortable when people ask my age. It's just remind me how I don't act like one

'We're alike' he stated as-a-matter-of-fact. I look at him trying to comprehend what he just said and after a second I finally get it

'Maybe'I answered

'Come, I wanna show you something' he held out his hand and he guide me to his room.


Not a typical 8-year-old room. It has no toys, no spiderman or batman figurines; instead it has art works, different drawings and photographs. I also saw some books in his bedside table. I walk towards it and open it. It's a childcraft, holidays and birthdays. It's the exact one I have since my mom is a librarian.

'I like the part where I know the meaning of my birthday and my birthstone' he said as he saw me holding the book

'I like the part where I know where the name of the days came from' I stated truthfully

'We can read it later but I have something to show you' he grab my hand and ushered me to sit on his bed. He then went to a drawer and grabs something. After that, he turned off the light and walks towards me

'What are you doing?' I ask him but he just shush me instead

'Look' he said and suddenly his ceiling lit up with tiny lights, like stars in the midnight sky and it just takes my breath away

'It's beautiful' I whispered in awe. It's like we're looking at the sky full of stars

'My dad help me made it, I look at it every time I'm sad or something' he said

'Why did you show it to me?' I can't help but ask him

'Because we're alike' he said still gazing to the ceiling and I suddenly understand what he meant


After a while his mom called us and I saw a man which I guess his dad. He looks just like his dad a lot. We eat our soup while his mom who I learned her name is Julie asks me a few questions how I got lost in the woods. Her dad, Richard offered to call the police to help me find my parents which I'm thankful for.

'Where's your daughter?' I blurted out and Julie looks confuse at my question

'We don't have a daughter, Ken is our only son' she answered and it's my turn to be confused

'Whose clothes are these?' I ask and pointed at what I'm wearing

Julie bit back a smile and answered 'I always wanted to have a girl so sometimes I dress up Ken like a girl' my mouth drop open in shock and I can't help the giggles escape from my lips

'Mom...' he groaned and I saw a tint of embarrassment on his cheeks which cause to make me laugh harder. Soon, Richard and Julie laugh with me

'Okay guys, it's not funny anymore' he scowled at us and fold his arms over his chest which I find cute than intimidating

'It's okay son, whatever you look, I still love you' his dad tease him

'Thanks dad' he said in a sarcastic way


After the dinner, I offer Julie a hand in washing the dishes but she said she can manage. She let us off to bed. I wanted to ask where would I sleep and she answered in Ken's room and I just nod and mumbled my thanks.


I enter his room and saw Ken sitting in the middle of his bed, he looks up and patted the at the his side indicating for me to climb up. We lay side by side as he drift the blanket over us.

'You haven't asked me for my name yet' I roll to my side so that I was facing him

'I could ask you in another time' with that he closes his eyes and drift to sleep. I lean close and whisper in his ear "Thank you" and soon I drift off to sleep, too.


When I woke up the next morning, I hear voices and groggily stand up, Ken was no longer by my side and I walk out from his bedroom. I went to the source of voices and I saw my parents talking to them. My dad saw me and rushed to me, engulfing me in a hug and picking me up. I hug him back sensing how worried he was.

'Are you alright?' he ask and I just nod

'I'm sorry, sweetie' my mom said from behind and scoop me up and kiss my forehead. I wanted to cry there and then. You see, my mom is never fond of showing affection too much so seeing her worried about me is a big deal.

My parents chatted with Julie and Richard, maybe showing some gratitude and such. I walk back to their kitchen and saw Ken in the table and from the looks of it his drawing something.

'You're really good' I complimented him, as I look over from his shoulder

'Thanks' he murmured, I was supposed to say something when my Julie called us. We went inside and saw our parents standing and I know what will happen next.

'It's time to say goodbye' my dad said and I was right. Even for a short time, I came to like Julie and Richard, they're sweet and funny. Furthermore, Ken... his like me. He understands me, he saved me. I don't wanna say goodbye at all.

'Thank you' I ran towards Julie and hug her. She scoops me up and kisses my cheek. Her eyes glistened with tears, I know she's fond me. She handed me to his husband and Rich did the same.

'Don't run into the woods again or else the bears will get you' he joke and I giggle, he then put me down and I know I have one person left to say goodbye to.

I slowly walk towards him, every step felt like a kilo added to the weight of my feet. Finally, I was in front of him, with my head down my eyes looking to the ground. He tilts my chin for me to look up and I can't explain why he's smiling. The thought that his not sad in the possibility that we will not see each other again, cause a painful tug in my small little heart.

'Here' he handed a paper to me, I grab it and saw it was the one his making earlier. It's a butterfly but there is only one-sided wing.

As if sensing my confusion he said, 'I'll finish it off when we meet again' that alone made me happy and sad at the same time. I'm happy his eager to see me again but sad because our home is far from here so I doubt if we'll see each other again

'See you' he said as a replacement of goodbye and he ruffles my hair

'Yeah, see you' I murmured back. It's not goodbye. I'll see him again, I chanted in my head as we walk out in their place and head home.


***

I haven't seen him after that, but after a few months a new kid transfer to our school but I couldn't care less. I walk towards my favorite spot where I sat alone, away from noisy kids.

I eat in silence just gazing at the sky when a shadow looms over me. I sat up and saw him standing there. My eyes widen in surprise.

'I-I-you' I stutter and he just chuckles

'What no hi, or I miss you?' he teases and I immediately stand on my feet and throw myself at him.

'I miss you' I whispered. He hugs me back and said 'Told ya, I'll see you soon' he grins at me

***


After that day, we have been together, although we don't have the same classes since his a grade higher than I, we spent most of our free time together. We don't play prince and princess or tea party; instead we just talk and enjoy each other's company. He draws or clicks some pictures when he brought his camera and a few blank films, while I on the other hand read some books.

As you can see, we're not like any other kids. We're kinda different. We're both mature for our own age. Maybe it's intelligence or maybe because of how we grow up. As for my case, it's both.


When I was three I already learn how to read and to write. My parents, especially my mom never let me out of the house. I could only go out and have fun with the sun when I'll finish a book that she assigned for me to read. I've been alone most of the times. I have an older brother but we're completely alien to each other. Beside of the huge age gap, I can't blame him that we're the total opposite. When we're together at home, we just end up fighting. We're jealous of each other. He's jealous with the attention my dad was giving me and I'm jealous with the attention my mom was giving him.

With that aside, I have no friends well except for my books. I was sad about it at first when I saw girls and boys laughing and running around but then, when I tried to join them, I saw a big difference. They talk in annoying way, using their baby voice or something while I talk like I'm not a child anymore. They like to play with barbies and toy cars but I don't understand how talking and emitting sounds to inanimate object could be fun. Soon, I found myself alone. They couldn't understand why I'm acting the way I am and I couldn't understand the way they are.

When I found Ken, or more technically he found me, everything changes. As we grow up together, we couldn't care less what people think of us. We have our own world. After I knew that he transferred to our school, I also knew that we're just a couple of blocks away living from each other. He started visiting our house and I was so afraid my mom would push him away but surprisingly, she did not.

Sometimes, he stays overnight to ours and other times I found myself in theirs. We we're different but we have each other. Soon as years passed, things escalated. I no longer feel like he was my best friend, I feel so much more.

Well, my sort of crush to him leads to some complications, we fought for the first time, and I scolded myself because clearly our first fight was my fault.


Flashback (We're in the beach confronting each other after we haven't talked for days)


'You have to say something! Or else I wouldn't know what's going on! I admit I was angry with you when you ask me that stupid question! Every time I see you and not being able to talk to you fills like someone is stabbing me in the gut! You don't know how hard it was for me, to ignore you and act like I don't know you!' now his shouting.

'Then why you did not try to talk to me?' I asked.

Then he turns his back again and answered 'because I was hoping that maybe this time, you'll let me win over you. I was hoping that you'll be able to find the courage to able to talk to me; I was waiting for you to say one word to me, anything. That day, when I walk away, I was hurt, not because you're letting me go but because you're not even trying to stop me from running away. I guess- he did not able to finished what he was supposed to say. I wrap my hands around his waist and said "I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry".

I remember his words clear as a day; I learned that I was slacking as a friend. I shouldn't depend that he always knows what I feel even if I don't say anything. After that, I tried to become more open to him, and surprisingly it work.


Sad to say, our time together was threatened when he entered his freshman year in a different school.

At the first few months of being away from each other, my phone was practically glued to me that my mom threatened me to throw it away if I didn't focus on my studies. The everyday calls turns into once a week, then it turns into once a month, and then our communication was finally gone. To say that I was angry with him was an understatement. He left me hanging by a thread. I know, I was supposed to understand that he's busy, he finally have another life, maybe another friends but I was wishing, even a simple message would suffice but instead I got nothing. I talk to NEK(a brown fluffy bear he have given to me before he left) all the time, hoping he would talk back but it just stares back at me with his big black eyes.


***

We haven't talk for a long time. Then, suddenly faith has another plan. When I joined a journalism competition, I saw him again there. He was still the same but something in my gut tells me that his different.


Flashback


I close my eyes and took a couple of breaths to calm my nerves. It's the last day of the contest and I haven't talk to him yet. When I finally open my eyes, he's suddenly standing in front of me.


'Nervous?' he asked and I just realize how I miss hearing his voice

'Y-yeah' I croaked out

'You can do it, I believe you can' he said and engulfs me in a hug which knocks out my breath. I miss his scent; it's not manly or anything. He smells like wild lavender.


'I'm sorry' he choked and I hear the sincerity dripping in his tone

He let go of me but still too close for my liking.

'I know, I have to explain everything to you. But, please don't be angry with me' he pleaded and I close my eyes, not knowing what to say

'Please say something' he beg, his voice cracked with emotions

'It's been seven months, Ken. You leave me hanging, what do you want me to say?' I ask him through my gritted teeth

'I know and you don't know how sorry I am. Just—God, I miss you so much' he hugs me again and kissed my forehead and that was my undoing

'Okay, just don't do it again. Please? And I miss you too' I said still in his embrace.

'I promise. By the way, you sang beautifully, and—oh, you cut your hair' he said and I become conscious

'Is it bad?' I ask as I grab a handful of my hair

'No, no, it's nice. You look pretty' he said and I blush furiously


Everything is fine again, and nothing seems wrong in fact our friendship is going strong but so is my feelings. I'm not sure if it's still a crush or more. All I know is, I wanted to be around him all damn time.


Flashback(Mei-13, Ken-turning 15)


'Mei! Wake up!' A familiar voice woke me up from my sleep

'What?' I try to pull the cover back but it was just being yanked again

I lazily open my eyes and saw a white rose being stuff in my face.

'What's this?' I ask him and he smiles sheepishly

'For you? I know you like tulips and daisy but I only got you this' he rumbles and I can't help but smile at him. Now, it's definitely my favorite.


'Why are you here so early in the morning?' I ask him as I glance at my alarm clock which reads 7:42 am

'Guess what's happening on Wednesday?' he wiggles his eyebrow playfully and I frown

'What?' I ask him innocently and his jaw hang open and I almost blew my cover away

'You didn't...' he gasped in shocked. Of course I know what's in Wednesday

'I don't...' I trailed off and his face fell in disbelief and sadness

I hug him sideways and said 'Of course I know, it's your birthday' then without hesitation I kiss his cheek

His face lit up in surprise, I don't know if it's by the fact that I remember his birthday or by my sudden boldness

'What do you want for your birthday?' I ask him

'You' he quickly answered and I blink at him and blush a 20 shades of red with what he said. Did I hear him right?

'I mean, I wanted you to come with me' he said as if realizing his mistake. I sigh in both relief and disappointment.

'Sure. I'll come with you' I said without any hesitation

'Be ready at the end of the week, I'll pick you up.' I smiled at him and nod.

He walks out of my door and then abruptly he walks back in

'You forgot something?' I ask him and I saw him walks towards NEK and grab him

'Where are you bringing him?' I ask frantically, there is no way hell I'll let him have my NEK

'I just borrow it for a while and I'll return it to you this coming weekend' he explains

'You better be' I warn him, and then he just stood there, his brows furrowed, like his in a war with his self

'Is there anything you need?' I ask him and instead of answering he strides towards me, stop and leans in


My heartbeat literally stops for a second, nothing have prepared me when his lips touch mine. It was soft and gentle, and oh so good. I feel the chills in my bones and the warmness in my heart, making my eyes close and savor the feeling. It was like my whole body was tingling and my body was about to float. He suddenly disconnects his lips from mine, still his close enough that our foreheads touch. I open my eyes and saw him smile, and then he walks out and disappeared out of my sight.


I was left dumbfounded; did he just—kiss me? I touch my lips with my fingertips, I know it was short but it's everything I wish for my first kiss. Ken Saavedra just kissed me, ME! and I can't help but squeal in delight and burst in fits of giggles.


***

I hear the car honk while I was fixing my self in front of the mirror.

I wore a floral dress, with blue and white orchids printed on it , and a white ballet shoes. I put my hair in a lose braid and I put a tinsy bitsy of a lip gloss, which I snuck it out from my mom's purse.


When I came down everyone is in the living room, I raise my eyebrow at them questionably.

Then I saw him with his mom and dad. He wore a dark blue cotton shirt and a denim jacket. He wore the blue high-cut converse I gave him in his birthday last year.

I hug his parents both in greeting and goodbye. I was so excited as we went inside their car.

After an hour or so, I can't believe what I saw when we arrive.


Were.In.Freaking.Airport.


I ask him what the hell is this and he explains everything to me, he said 'All you have to do is hop on the plane with me' like it's a not a big of deal

Well, I trusted him that I wish I didn't because when I open my eyes from sleep, we are in Thai-freaking-land.


A lady in his late 40's fetch us from the airport and hugs him. He introduces her as her aunt from her mom's side.

I still can't believe we're here in Thailand. We followed her aunt as she leads as to her car. Of course, she's also rich, I thought to myself and roll my eyes.


We arrived at this two story house and settled in.

'Are you tired? We can rest first' he suggested

I shook my head 'No, let's rule Bangkok!' I exclaimed


My parents are evil; they didn't even talk to me about this trip! I thought as I open my luggage which was prepared by my mom.


We have our dinner in the hotel's resto bar called TRIBICA, just few blocks away from his aunt Carla's home. I was enjoying the new atmosphere and Ken was busy doing his thing. Taking pictures.

'So, you like it here?' He asked

'Of course, it's something new and this is the first time we will spend the out of country adventure, just the two of us' I answered and I waited for a response but he just looked at me like I said something that makes him very interested


Then, I broke the silence, 'Uhm, so, how did you managed to do this? I mean I know you're rich but I never imagined you will be able to pull this off' I narrowed my eyes at him that says tell-me-everything-or-else

'I save my allowance and maybe ask for a little help from my parents, wrap up a courage to ask your parents and then voila! We're here!' he explains like the-boiling-point-is-100-degrees-Celsius explain

'But, it's your birthday, I was supposed to be the one who gives you gift and surprised you, not the other way around' I half yelled half whispered

'You, being here with me is more than enough' he said and kiss the back of my hand. We still haven't talk about the kiss but this was beyond I have imagined

'Will you please play for me?' I pleaded when my eyes wandered around when I saw the piano sitting at the corner

'What? No, no...' he protested as he followed my gaze to the piano

'Please, for me? It's been a while since I heard you play' I beg and show him my puppy eyes because I know he's a sucker for it

'Fine, just this once', he sighs and I can't help grinning in delight, while he stands up, talking to the manager I think. Then, he walk towards the piano and sat down. He seemed nervous for there are also people inside the resto


'Good evening everyone! I'm gonna play something. This is for the girl who is very, very special to me. Enjoy' Then, he looked at me and I sign a go on, play now.

Then he played "Out of my League by Stephen Speaks" one of my favorites. While he was in the chorus part, somebody pulled out a microphone, and he laughed trying to say no. It's not that he's a terrible singer, he just don't like to sing in front of everyone.

...'Cause I love her with all that I am

And my voice shakes along with my hands

'Cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea

But I'd rather be here than on land

Yes she's all that I see and she's all that I need

And I'm out of my league once again...

Then everyone, was amazed, he did an awesome job. I can't help but stand and clap my hands. I'm never gonna lose this guy, I though to myself.


But as you can see, nothing lasts forever.


***

A week have past, after our little getaway. He hasn't send me a single text or call. I'm starting to get worried and all, so I decided to pay visit him in another town where his currently staying


'Why aren't you picking up your phone?' I ask him softly as I sat in the edge of his bed

'I... I'm quite busy' he murmured, shifting his weight from foot to foot

'Okay' I breathe out an air of frustration


'So, what was happening next week?' I ask him and I notice he briefly close his eyes

'I'm leaving...' I look up to him and stare in his eyes and I can't believe I just saw my heart breaking. I was frozen in my spot not because of what he said but because I'm unable to comprehend why I feel both of our hearts bleed and our future no longer in sight

'You're leaving where?' I ask him as calmly as I can but I notice I'm failing when my voice weavers

'States' he answered still not looking at me, 'In Los Angeles' he added

'Okay' I nod in understanding and added 'For a visit?' I ask and pleaded to him to say yes

'No, I'll be studying there' and I feel someone punch me in the gut making me step backwards

'Why?' I ask him my voice hoarse

'I have to, for the family business' he answered 'I have to do it, for my future, for my family's future, you know this—'

'You're leaving me' I stated the harsh truth cutting him off

'You said we will never be apart, you promise me! What about all the things you said back in Bangkok?' I was now on rage


'Sorry, it's a farewell gift' I gasped. He might as well put a knife in my gut and twisted it

I took a deep breath and blink hard to stop the tears threatening to fall 'When will you come back?' I ask him, finding some sense in all of this

'I'm not sure' he said and look away in other terms never


'Why are you only telling me this? You've said those things to me, making me think that this—whatever this is between us could happen. You've fed me false hope, you know that!' I exclaimed as I walk towards him, making him look at me

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I shouldn't have done that' he said his voice in pain and I can see the sincerity in his eyes.

Does it mean his regretting what he said to me? Those short, innocent and sweet kisses? Is this all a joke to him? Am I just a clown?

'You jerk! Why are you always hurting me! You're so good in hurting me! Don't I mean anything to you? Don't you really have any feelings for me? Please... tell me, you're not leaving me. I need you, I need you so much, Ken... please' I broke into tears as I beg him. He closes his eyes and a single tear rolling to his cheeks

I saw his fist clenched as we silently shed our tears.

'Do you... Do you have anything to say?' I ask him, waiting for him to say those words. Just let me hear it and I'll forget everything about this. I'll wait for you, no matter how long it takes, just say it. I beg him with my eyes but he just closes it again. I hold onto his arms, because I'm afraid I will fell into the floor. I wait for him to respond, every second felt like a million hours away.


'I'm sorry' finally, he said and I let my hands fall from my side. I step back and walk out of him, clutching my chest because I think it shattered into a million pieces. I was in so much pain, I just wanted it gone. I wanted to rip it out but I don't know how.


I ran away from their house, not knowing what to do. My emotions are high wire and I can't seem to think straight. I just wanted to run and run until my feet gave up. How could he do this to me? Did he not see how much I don't like him to leave me because I love him? I love him so much that I think I'm—my thoughts were partially interrupted when I hear a loud crash.



I stop momentarily and turn my head around and nothing...

Nothing could have prepared me what unfolds in front of my eyes.

I scream as I ran towards the huge black car. My broken heart surprisingly beats erratically. I rush towards it as I saw his body limping to the side.

Oh, no! no! no!

I squat beside him and cried.

'Ken, you have to open your eyes' I said sternly

'Help!' I shouted and the car owner frantically dialed a number on his phone to ask for help

'Ken, open your goddamn eyes or I swear!' I shouted at him as I grab his upper body and let it rest in my lap

I look at my hand and saw there's blood, all over it. My God! Please, anything but not this. I pleaded as i look up into the sky

'Ken, please... this is no time joking around! Just open your eyes!' I shook him but there's no response

I cried and cried, what I feel earlier is nothing to what I can feel right now. Suddenly I feel a cold hand touch my face. I look at him and he smiled

'Don't cry...' he choked 'I hate the most when I made you cry' he stated as he tried to wipe my tears with his thumb

'I know, I'll stop crying if you promise to stay your eyes open, okay?' I said frantically and he just manage a nod

Where's the medic? I thought as I look around, people are slowly swarming towards us. I look at him and his eyes threatened to close again

'Ken! Don't you dare!' I yelled at him but there's no use, his eyelids keeps on closing

'Please...' I pleaded my voice hoarse my crying 'Don't leave me... I—' before I can even finished my sentence, I was suddenly yanked by someone but I protested.

The medics were all over him and in the blink of an eye he was being transported inside the ambulance. I saw his parents in the corner of my eye and they went inside with him.

I watch as the ambulance drove away, people were still around me asking me some things but I can't make them out. Everything was blocked. I can't move, not even a single muscle. Then, I thought 'he will be fine, he will not leave you, he promised' I chanted in my head as I called my parents and later I found myself being pick up by a taxi.

We enter the hospital and I asked them where he is. I run towards the emergency room and saw Julie broke into tears and Richard trying to comfort her even though I know he is also in pain.

I walk towards them and I hug Julie, chanting soothing words. I'm not the optimistic here but I know he'll be okay, he have to be.


The doctor came out with a grim expression in his face. No! no!

I walk towards him and ask 'Can I see him now? He's awake now right?' I ask as I plastered a smile in face but the tears keep streaming the doctor just looks at me sadly and shook his head

'I said, can I see him now! Why are you answering? Are you deaf?' I spat angrily

Two pairs of arms grab me and I notice it was my dad, he was trying to drag me away from them but I tossed and turn, to get away from his grip.

'Sssshhh' he cooed as he places me between his legs, as we slack on the floor He was rocking me back and forth as I continued to cry.


That day, August 17, 2009, the boy who saved me from getting lost, the boy who become my first friend, the boy who makes me laugh and cry, the boy who made my heart beat so fast and the boy whom I've fall in love with suddenly gone with the wind...

I can't begin to explain what I felt that day, I was like in a fathomless agony. The first few months are the hardest because I can't accept the fact that he is no longer here with me. I cried until there were no more tears.

Our story maybe started like a fairy tale but surprisingly our ending is not happily ever after.

He loves me... I know, he visits me in my dream and whisper it in my ears.

My first love was gone like a bubble, vanish into thin air, but I must live with my life and be happy because that's what will he want for me.

Our love story was sad, because it never even begin and all of the sudden it ends.

I love him... and I always will but for now, it's just over...