My Home,Your Hoffice

A new Swedish project aims to help freelancers find it easier to get things done, by transforming apartments and homes into temporary coworking spaces. In the morning, 10 or 12 people might show up at someone’s apartment in Stockholm… They perch on the host’s sofa, sit at the kitchen table, and take phone calls in the bedroom. And by filling the space with people at work — and by setting up an unconventional structure for the day — everyone seems to find it easier to focus. (Fast Company, January 29)

Dear co-workers:

It’s been my pleasure to offer my flat as a hoffice. As per hoffice protocols, I’ve asked nothing in return, and have been touched by the offerings some of you have chosen to place in the tip jar. Nevertheless, at this stage in our shared experiment, I feel it would be useful to suggest a few ground rules.

1) About those offerings: When the founders of our movement made provisions for the tip jar, I believe it was their intention that small donations of money be made to defray expenses. While I appreciate the enormous quantity of lingonberries that have been left in the jar, please be aware that they do crush quite easily, covering the jar’s other contents with a pulpy residue. It’s fallen to me to clean this sticky substance from the jar and its contents, including what anyone would surely agree has been a very, very small quantity of kronor. Again: Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate the lingonberries. But inasmuch as this is Sweden and lingonberries are freely available in every corner grocery, I have no need for quite so many of them. And since they presumably have been purchased with kronor — I think you see where I’m going here.

2) This is not a rehearsal space. So if your work involves a speed- and/or death-metal oratorio about your flawed relationship with your parents — not naming any names — please be aware that I have neighbors. Also, stacks of Marshall amps draw a substantial amount of power. There have been reports of brownouts in flats 11A and 11C, the latter the home of an elderly shut-in who sleeps days and wears a CPAP mask. It doesn’t fall to me to define another’s “art,” but please keep all this in mind, as well as the considerable cost of the power involved. (Tip jar.)

3) The opportunity to work in proximity with others who have different business skills is one of the great blessings of the hoffice. But please note that “giving awesome back rubs” is only very broadly definable as a business skill. The same applies to hand-drawn gift certificates for same as a product.

4) The refrigerator: DO feel free to label and store your lunch; please DON’T move my spoilable items to the cupboard, counter or sink to make room for large vac-pacs of lingonberries.

5) Any spare kronor you find in the sofa cushions — please refrain from yelling ‘HEY, LOOK, A FUNDING ROUND!” and pocketing them. You know who you are. It was amusing the first time, less so the tenth. May I suggest quietly placing the coins in the tip jar?

6) I would never be the one to dampen the entrepreneurial ardor of a fellow hofficer. But ask yourself: Does “kicking back and watching curling with my fraternity bros” really qualify as a startup? By the same token, if I come out to make breakfast and find you passed out on my couch before hoffice hours, please don’t tell me that your business idea is “a place to crash in town after I’ve been out late doing akavit shooters and missed the trams.” There are limits.

With a little consideration we can all work productively together as hofficers. And honestly, a few kronor in the tip jar wouldn’t hurt.