Mixed Emotions

I really feel a bit down….im full of unusual emotions.
A part of me feels like crying while another part of me is just hanging.
Really I don’t know what’s getting to me. Yes the changes are there. I guess I don’t want to be told that I’m gaining weight or that I’m getting chubby. I can’t stop eating; maybe that’s where I find my comfort. But I really can’t eat myself to death. I know also that this is a big step for me. It’s a big step for us. How do I get pregnant and still be a partner in this relationship. I know that I’m restricting my partner the joys of having a pregnant partner. Where do I start? I really have to find a solution to all this. It’s really not fair on her.