Life or Death

  Whenever we talk about life we always get a positive vibe out of it which can be described as beautiful however, when we talk about death we always feel scared , nervous and specially the pain that it can give. But for me Life and Death has almost the same meaning. Since my childhood I have crossed many phases in my life from which some has been pleasant and some has been a nightmare. My experience in all this phases has more or less been bitter as I understood that in order to enjoy life the very first remedy is to keep everybody's expectation irrespective of whether you are capable or not, or precisely you like it or not. Life has actually taught me many lessons for which in very young age I decided to choose death instead of life. Since my childhood  I was never good in studies however after knowing that also my parents have never accepted the fact and kept on pressurising me to score high in all the subjects. Infact, I also had some expectation from myself which I could not fulfil like, for an example I thought of learning an instrument as I love singing but I also failed in doing that. My parents supported me to learn the instrument but I don't know why , I was not even able to do that. In every stage of my life I have seen failure and everyone told me the same thing that failure is the pillar of success , in order to mentally support me, but still no matter how much I try to get success, success has always ran away from me.

Now , I am in class ten and I know that I have worked very hard to come out with a good result, but again I was wrong when my result came out online I came to know that I did not pass my board examination. Immediately I decided that no matter what now is the time for me to embrass Death .Next day without informing my parents about my result I stepped out of my house and decided never to come back , however when I was going out of my house I was in a dilemma that whether I was taking the right decision or not. I don't know why but something was stopping me to go out from my house, but still I stepped out and now...Anyways after that I decided to go metro station which was near my house. Immediately I went there I got my ticket and went inside the station and sat there for few minutes . During that time I recalled my parents , friends which were rare and specially the beautiful moments that I spend with them. Tears rolled down from my eyes but still I did not change my decision as I knew that things will be more worse if I go back home as my parents will not be able to accept that I have failed in my board exam. So many questions came in my mind, what are they going to tell all their relatives  and how everybody will react on this. While thinking all this which was actually killing me , I saw a train entering the station. I felt that death itself is coming to embrass me so without thinking twice I jumped in the rail track. Yes I finally embrace death but then I realised I was still alive falling on the track and slowly slowly everything was becoming dark for me. I was cut into two pieces and hence I was able to feel the pain which I felt was only for that moment. Later I was taken to nearby hospital and on the way I closed my eyes forever.

After embracing death I felt that I have come out of all problems that Life has showed me but I was wrong as I saw my parents how they went through a  mental trauma when they came to know about me. I saw my mother falling terribly sick but I was not able to do anything or tell them anything. I started crying loud but nobody was able to listen to me as I was already dead. After embracing death I realised that life is always a better option then death as nothing can be more worse like seing your own people sobbing for you bu yout not able to make them realise that you are with them .

The reason I have written this is to make everyone realise that choosing death is never an option to come out of difficulties in life no matter how much big it is. It can actually be sorted out  by simply discussing  about it  with people with whom you are very close . Today I am dead and I will always repent for choosing death.