I don't regret you finally leaving

I do sometimes miss you, but I don’t regret you finally leaving.

At least once every day, I go back to that day when you decided to end our set up. When you decided to end us because you’re not ready. You decided you did not want me in your life anymore and you left me with only so much as a hurtful explanation.

We both know that I deserved better. Yet I can’t seem to make myself actually realize that. All my friends tell me I deserve better and you also realized that after what happened to your sibling.  Yet I fell for you and it hurt when you left. It hurt so much that I didn’t know if I could be myself again. I was devastated; I was lost and I felt broken. I felt insecure. I felt pain again that I had experienced 5 years ago. 

But you know what I realized along the way? I realized I forgot my self-esteem and my self-worth when I was with you. I knew you were all sorts of wrong, but I forgot who I was.  You made me feel special, mattered,  and loved and  you afraid to lose me but  it was all a lie.  You lied. 

So you might have left, and you might have given me pain, but look at me surviving without you when I once thought that it was impossible to not have you in my life. Look at me growing without you.

I do sometimes miss you, but do not even for a second try to come back. Do not for a second think that I cannot live without you. It is without a doubt completely your loss. I know I’m worth so much more and never again will I let myself believe otherwise.

You have sisters and so don’t  fool girls.  Don’t ever lie to a girl making them believed that you love her but of course make her believed that you really do. Don’t you ever do what you did to me. Its really painful. 

To you and to the good memories we once shared, I’ll always remember you as the person who taught me to love myself and to realize my own worth. To know it’s okay to make mistakes and be with the wrong people, it only gets you closer to meeting the right people. Thank you so much for the memories. For once a felt loved and special and mattered.  Thank you for being there everytime I needed you the most. And lastly, thank you for making me happy in a form of a lie.