Faded

There was a big knock on Amanda's door, it knock 3 times, 4 times or 5 times. But Amanda seems cannot get up from her large bedroom. Beside her bed was a bottle of empty Vodka, 1 bottle of bourbon, 1 empty glass, and watery ice pack. Amanda again consumed 1 bottle of Vodka. This is her routine every night.

"Amanda, open the door you bitch, or else I will axe this or burn your damn room", it’s a male's voice, a loud one but only teasing.

Amanda knows she is not dreaming, and there is really someone knocking at her door. She knows who owns the voice. It is Reagan, her casting agent since she began in show business. She hurriedly gets up from her bed, put on her robe to cover her night gown attire, and opens the door.

"Finally, the devil is alive, and I have good news and bad news for you" Reagan said as Amanda opens the door.

Reagan, entering Amanda's room, sitting on her bed, handed Amanda some papers. Reagan is not your average casting agent. He is somehow good looking, a typical yuppie who always wear glasses. He always looks no nonsense, but to Amanda, he can be a cheerful child.

Before Amanda read what Reagan gave to her, she gets a bottle of Drysock from her refrigerator, and grabs a Black Menthol cigarette pack from her pocket. She light her cigarette, then blow, and take a deep breath, enough for the whole room to be filled with her smoke that come from inside her mouth. Reagan was only amused of Amanda's dark habits, and get used to it. While inhaling cigarette and drinking a glass a Drysock, Amanda browse the papers, shook her head, asking Reagan,

"Reagan, what are these, all are rejected”.

Those are the movies in which Amanda auditioned, but she didn't pass. She began to cry. She can't believe she was now overlooked by some film producers, big movie producers that she knew personally. When once upon a time, 15 or 18 years ago, she was the darling of movie world. Film producers are eagerly do everything just to get her service. Every year, she is making 3 to 4 movies; all are on the list of top 10 movies. She was once holding the title of the highest paid film star during her prime. But now, her she is, desperate to have a movie project just to put food on her table and keeping the roof on her head, and at the same, enough bucks for her bottles, her luxurious lifestyle, and to pay to her psychiatrist for her mental depression.

"Relax sweetheart, like what I have said, I have bad news and good news, now here is the good news, another script you might be interested.”

Amanda looks on the script what Reagan gave. But she was not happy either after reading some few pages.

"Reagan, look at me, look at me" Amanda, pointing to Reagan, asking to look at her face, in which Reagan eagerly respond.

Reagan staring at Amanda's face, he now realized and understood why she was dubbed as the most beautiful woman in the world. Her hazel green eyes, long raven hair, a red lips that was born to kiss any dashing actors in movies. But that was how many years ago. Amanda's face now seems puffy, haggard, like a face that hurtled by painful circumstances. Her body also was bloated, not anymore seductive that she was, once.

"I am only 28 years old, but what are these roles they are giving me, I will be an f..... mother to this Sarah Pollard (a popular actress). Do l look like a mother?"

Amanda cried so hard. Another phrase in her career was right under her nose, playing mother roles. Amanda knows that playing those kinds of roles are only for film actors who cannot longer anymore market moviegoers, when the time another bunch of young performers are on the rise, in other words, washed up or faded. But Amanda wants to believe she is still a star. As a matter of fact, a movie which she top-billed performed well at the box office.

"That was 2 years ago Amanda, at the time your name was still fresh as a rose", reprimand Reagan, he knows what her talent is thinking.

Amanda remembered an incident that completely ruined her to her public. She was involved in a brawl in which she has a fight with some waiters at the bar. She is eager for more battles of Tequila, but the waiters refused her because she is already drunk. She fought with them and starting to amok at that bar, even slapped another customer when the former had said something to her negatively. The incident made it to the newspaper headlines, tarnish her public image forever. Her behavior in movie set is also not favorable. She was always late on the set, or no show at all. If she shows up, she cannot remember the lines in front of the camera. All these not counting her numerous fights with fellow performers, made her an irresponsible as performer. Her friends abandoned her. She has no more line up of movies. Only Reagan seems the one whom she has left, the casting agent whom he seems he can’t abandon Amanda.

“Reagan, why is this happening to me? Movies are my life, making movies is the only thing I knew, I don’t want to go back to the gutter like I used to live before how many years ago. I will die, if that happens”

“What about doing some charity work, getting involved in some charity institutions. I’m sure this will help you, and who knows, your public will love you again.”

“I am not fit to those kinds of charity gimmicks, Reagan.”

“That’s the problem with you Amanda; you won’t try any other things.”

Amanda opens another bottle of Drysock, and lights again another stick of cigarettes.

“I’m sorry Reagan, I can’t accept that script. I don’t want to be a mother.”

“Amanda, accept the fact what is happening to you”

“You better go now Reagan, I don’t want to see you anymore”

“And what are going to do, drink and smoke to death?”

“Get out, go away and leave me alone” Amanda shouts to Reagan.

Reagan grabs the glass of Drysock and cigarette from Amanda’s hands. He throws it in the window. At that Amanda become hysterical

“How dare you” she slaps Reagan and hit him many times.

“You are just my agent Reagan, I will kill you for this”

“From now on, no more bottles and cigarettes from you, Amanda” Reagan push Amanda and throws her in the ground. Not content with this, he throw all other bottles from her refrigerator, he smash them to the hilt. He even smashes the remaining bottles in her storage with the cane.

Amanda cried and at the same time, scared of Reagan.

Reagan grabs her shoulder, force her to get up and change her clothes. Amanda try to get away from Reagan’s force by hitting him, until Reagan slap Amanda so hard that she silence, staring nowhere while Reagan, getting some clothes from her closet.

“Go to the bathroom and fix yourself, or else, I will do something you will never forget for the rest of your life”

Scared to Reagan, she obeys him, and starts go inside to the bathroom.

Before they knew it, Reagan drives Amanda to the church. But they are yet still inside the car, outside the church.

“You moron, you force me to fix myself, then where are we going, to the church?” Amanda protest to Reagan.

“I will talk to the priest inside whom I knew” Reagan said to Amanda calmly.

“We will fix the date of our marriage”

“What, Reagan, are you out of your mind? Marriage?” Amanda still can’t believe what did Reagan said to him.

“Yes Amanda, I’m sorry, I didn’t tell you this for a long time, but I love you. Right now, I will never force you or persuade you. Tell me right now if you are willing to be my wife.”

“You are crazy Reagan.”

“Yes or no Amanda, will you marry me?” Reagan asks Amanda in a high voice.

For a few minutes, Amanda can’t answer Reagan. She was speechless.

“Ok Amanda, it seems you don’t want to, I’ll take you home”

But Amanda hold Reagan’s left hand.

“All my life Reagan, it seems you are the one who always cares about me, especially right now that I am a has-been, a loser Amanda. In the past, my relationship has always gone wrong, or some guys only love me because I am Amanda Garson, a big star.”

Amanda begins to cry.

“The truth Reagan is, all my life, I am finding someone who will love me, care for me. I don’t know Reagan, but honestly, I am happy if I am with you. How can’t I resist you, if the feeling is mutual?

Reagan’s no nonsense face now seems smiling. He takes off his eye glasses and look at Amanda’s eyes.

“I love you too Reagan”. Amanda’s voice now is soft. She means what she said.

Reagan passionately kisses Amanda in the lips, and at that moment their lips are never apart from each other.

Amanda realized happy endings can also happen in real life. This is the beginning of another role in Amanda's life