Dinosaur's guide for Valentine's day

On February 14th, romance is inescapable. Pink and red hearts hit our retail establishments like an avalanche, special offers and online deals pile up in our inboxes. Advertisers alternately inspire us and call into question our very self-worth in their quest to convince us that our relationships hinge on their brand of chocolate. It can be a difficult time.

Romance is never easy, of course — being vulnerable and tangling yourself up with another person will always have its challenges, whether on the first date or after ten years of marriage. It’s been that way since the dawn of time.

April the Parasaurolophus contemplates life, love, and personhood.

But, on Valentine’s Day, expectations are heightened. You have to do something. You need to make a gesture, and you need to make it count.

Here are a few tips to ensure Cupid’s arrows don’t come back to sting you in the tail.

Tip #1: Stick to the Classics

It wasn’t until mirrors were invented in 4,000 BC that Red the Dilophosaurus realized how truly winning his smile was.

Roses are Valentine’s Day, which makes them the perfect gift — especially for a first date. After all, who doesn’t like roses?

Pro tip: make sure you get her name right in the card.

Tip #2: Be Polite

Make sure you take the time listen to your date. Nobody appreciates a conversation-hog. And certainly don’t try to talk with your mouth full of cake.

Tip #3: Safety in Numbers

April refuses to validate any film in which the female protagonist is referred to as ‘kid.’

If you’re feeling the Valentine’s Day pressure, consider slowing things down and inviting your date to a night out with friends.

Tip #4: The Blind Date

Even if you know one of your friends is seeking companionship this Valentine’s Day, remember: it’s never, ever a good idea to set her up with your weird cousin Sid.

Sorry, cousin Sid.

Tip #5: The DIY Approach

Is there anything more romantic than a handwritten note?

Few would deny that February 14th has gone to the corporations, but that doesn’t mean it has to be all about buying stuff. Consider making something yourself or writing a letter from the heart.

Tip #6: Always Use Caution

April wears her heart on her sleeve, douses it in gasoline, and watches it burn.

It can be easy to get caught up in the romantic fervor on Valentine’s Day, but be careful with your assumptions — not everyone is looking for love.

Don’t Let Love Go Extinct

If you’re heart is set on wooing that elusive crush or rekindling that marital flame, you’ll find no shortage of options this Valentine’s Day. But, if you’re just not there — if you find yourself filling with dread as romantic sentiments saturate your every waking moment — there’s another way. Surround yourself with the people you love, people who accept you for who you are. Spend a little extra time with family and friends. You’ll never need a special day to do that.