A woman's Scorn

The road to success is not easy.

But the reward shall be

GREAT!

This book is dedicated to

all the hardworking struggling

mothers out there.

THIS IS A SHOUT OUT

TO YOU!!!


No one told me being a teenage mother would have been a struggle.I thought it was easy flor easy go. Fresh out of high school was I, having lots of fun and partying at night clubs and not thinking about what my tomorrow would be like. Yea that was me.

I was at the age of eighteen (18) and attending Bahamas Baptist Community College and I had just started a job at the Airport when I found out I was going to be a mother. At this time I didn't know how to react happy or sad. Because I was attending college to be a nurse and I didn't know how my daddy would take this after paying so much money for my college fees. I know it was going to come to reality and I would have to live with it. I then told the guy I was dating at the time that I was with child. He told me to kill it and I told him no and he left and I never saw him again. Nine months was fastly approaching and still no sign of this babies dad. This is when I realize that I had to face this all alone. I had to be a mother and a father and a soul provider for this little angel that was growing in me. July 19th, 2008 had come and a bouncing baby boy was brought into the world. Still no sign of the baby daddy I now had to face the fact that the baby is here and there is nothing I could do but take care of him on my own.

Every night the baby would get up and just cry. Poor me a child myself never knew what was going on so I just sat there and cry too. Everyday I would sit on my front porch just to see if the babies dad was going to pass. One day he did but he just blow his horn and kept going. He didn't stop to say hi or to even see how the baby was doing. This hurt me really bad I was thorn apart on the inside and mend together on the outside. I thought my life would never be the same again.

After three months had passed it was now time for me to go back to work. I couldn't return to school because I now had a baby I had to take care of so this was the end of my career for a while. When I went back to work they decided that they would move me from pushing wheelchair into custom hall where all of the passengers would have to come thru to go to the custom officers. After being there for a while I got very friendly with a older female then myself. I began to tell her about my past experience with my son's father and she would assure me that everything will be alright. I would confide in her and tell her how I felt and she would be right there to comfort me. We grew closer then we should be. I knew this wasn't right but it felt so good to finally have someone to love me for me and to treat me the way I should be treated.This was something only God could deliver me from I was searching for love but in all the wrong places. It last for a very long time but it surely came to an end. She started to become very jealous of me and then what was suppose to be our secret she wanted everybody to know that I was her lover. I couldn't have this especially in the type work environment that we was in.

Every night and everyday I prayed that God would send me a good man to father my son.Someone who could help me and who would be a good husband for me. For I was a single mother lonely and had no one to help nor love me. Everyone that entered my life felt like they left a scar. There was never anyone faithful or good enough for me. So I wanted God to send me a good man.

A few months later I was then moved again this time into the jet bridge where we did passenger and aircraft search. It was one day I was posted to search a delta aircraft along with a few other colleagues when I heard this guy said to one of my colleagues who was a very good

friend of mines "I want that, I like what I see". So I then looked up and I saw this dark handsome tall guy with very sharp features so I just smiled and waited for the passengers to un-board the aircraft. I went on the aircraft searched it came of and he was still there. So we started to talk we exchange numbers and it started from there. At first I didn't really like him because we was of the same age and I never liked dating guys my age I always thought I was to matured for them. I give him the run around for a while and no matter how many times he called me and I said I was busy he would continue to call he was very persistent and meant what he said "He wanted me". So I decided to give him a chance. We dated for a while and then it got serious. I was so happy because I never felt love like this before. He seemed to be the perfect guy for me.Finally at last I had someone of my own and who loved and cared for me and my son. In my eyes he was the ideal guy he would take my son on as if he was his own.

About a year and a half later after meeting this guy I was pregnant again with my second child. This time at least I had someone there to help me when the baby was born. With a snap of a finger 9 months was here on February 24,2011 the most beautiful little girl was born. I was happy especially knowing that her father would be there to help take care of her. We named her Jayden Elizabeth.

At this time I felt that I had all that I ever wanted and needed. A good man and two kids that I love so much. The only thing that was left to happen was marriage, This is when the relationship between him and I took a turn for the worst I was ready to be a lawful wife but he had plans on waiting a little longer. This wasn't good enough for me for I already conceived a child for a second time and was tired of living sinfully. As for him he felt he was to young to make such a commitment.

Each day I would ask him when are we going to get married just to hear him say "NO", for every time the feeling of hearing him come up with some low excuse made me felt rejected and less of a woman. I felt like a filthy dirty mattress that was being tossed around. It felt like a pillow when he got tired he lay me down and when he was ready again he turned me over and buffed me on the other side.At this time my thoughts got deep and I started to ask myself " why are you still here?" The only answer I kept getting is that I love this man and we had a child together. One day I know I was going to forget about love and the years spent together. Obviously am in love with someone who doesn't love me neither has any respect for me . But soon it all will come to an end. I must find happiness, because being happy is the key to my heart.

After having several sit down conversations we decided to come to an agreement that we were going to get married on May 11th, 2013. Oh, Lord you knew this was the day I longed for I was so happy. I had already start making arrangements and looking for my wedding dress. I then told him I found the dress I liked and I was going to purchase it when he said no it's too early. I then started to think why is he saying it's too early. Did he only tell me this to make me happy was the thoughts running through my mind because the wedding was only 6 months away. Going on with my daily business I never paid it any mind one month went by and I didn’t see him making any plans or even telling his family members of friends. I had already told my family and friends. My father was so happy he said he would pay for the whole wedding himself because all he wanted to see was his one and only daughter walked down the Isle.I had already began to get my ladies together and made the aware of the date. But as for him it was as if we never made any agreement or plans about marriage.

January came and still no talks about the wedding, so I then back off and stand my girls down. January 16th his birthday was fastly approaching. We had made arrangements to have dinner on the night before his bday because he was working on his birthday night. We went to the Mesa Grill at the Atlantis. The setting was right for the occasion the mood was right. We talked laugh and had lots of fun it felt like we were falling in love again.

I had decided to buy him a gift which was a cell phone but it would arrive a few days after his birthday. When he got his gift he was so happy because he had now upgraded from a Nokia to a Samsung galaxy duos. He then could off keep up to date with this new app everybody was using "whatsapp". A few days later when he came to pick me up on my lunch break so that I can drop him back to work he accidentally left his phone in the car. Before I could reach Blake road I heard my phone ringing off the hook. It was him" did you see my phone " I said "yes it's in the car" he replied "Can you bring it back for me?" and I replied" No am already to far." After being together for so long and having each others phone this sent a strong signal to me that something wasn't right. So I parked to the side and checked the phone. When I went into the whatsapp I saw messages between him and a female by the name of Keisha. Messages that friend wouldn't say to each other which she claimed to be. I then called this chick up who had the nerve to tell me "Don't leave the man because he loved me and my kids" and I replied "love me when you to are sending dirty messages back and forth"

My heart then started to race I got very upset. I then went home packed his clothes and took them by his mother. When it was time to get off he then called me not knowing I now knew everything about this secret affair"Baby can you pick me up from work?" and I said "BABY,

call keisha your clothes is by your mother." That was the end of our relationship. Things got real messy after this because at first he couldn't accept the fact that I left he would call me to bring our daughter and when I reach he would want to fight or have sex this lasted for a few months. I had to be strong and stand my grounds when it came to sex and say NO and mean NO. If I tell you it didn't hurt me I would be telling you lies.

On April 29th, 2013 my Grandmother passed away and she was buried on the day we had planned for our wedding. God knew exactly what he was doing when he did what he did. Nothing hurt me more than him not showing his respects to her funeral knowing how much she loved him and wanted to see us get married. Six months later on November 11th, 2013 my dad passed away and was buried on November 21st,2013. Again he never showed his face another heart broken moment. I started to ask the question how do you hurt someone who you said meant the world to you, who you said you love, who you called your own. But then I remember we have a daughter together that he no longer checks for. How do you explain that? How can anyone in your life stop you from seeing or taking care of a child that came from you?

Ladies I wrote this short Novel just to say to you "Love has no owner". The people who say they Love us are the one's who hurt us the most.I see to many young single mothers trying hard to raise their young one's by themselves. Don't let it be you. I wish I had listen to the day my father told me"Baby get your education go to college and be what you want to be and any man will follow you".I pass this same quest on to all of you. Go to school get an education become who you want to be but most of all Seek ye the Kingdom of God. The next time you think about

dating someone let it be someone you can marry, build with and grow with. Don't date the person just to pass time lost time can't be regain."I Love My Ladies"