A Twisted Acceptance

I was never true to myself that's a reality,
but I never knew how to deal with it
I'm always seeking answers without ever knowing the questions
I put a barricade around my heart, I never let people enter in
I spit words I should never had,
I made promises without cautions
I know how to say sorry but never knew the meaning of it
I know how to be loved but never feel it


I am a despicable lady,
I push people away
I was nice but I'm never certain if that was really me
I made people hate me, and made myself unforgivable
And I can never blame them for it
What was I thinking? Maybe I never think about it
Now, I made myself hate me more that I hated anyone else
Because I did not just hurt the people I love
But the people who loves me
Now, I'm feeling the wrath of their judgement
and I'm well aware it will last forever
I'm ready to accept that and suffer for it
But still I want to thank you for those who did not give up and will not give up on me even if I gave up on myself