patrickjr

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There Will Always Be Spring (PT. 2)

There Will Always Be Spring (PT. 2)

November 21, 2015
Chapter two of my story about Stockton Wallace, who lives alone in the Canadian Wilderness.

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There Will Always Be Spring (PT. 2)

I'd love to hear ANYONE'S thoughts! Thanks in advance! I'm going to work!
7 years ago

The World I Know

I...am....very....distracted...by...the...overuse...of...ellipsis....
7 years ago

The Story of the Roti

Hahahah! Fun stuff! I feel a strong connection to this piece, as Roti is my all-time favourite food in the world (I'm Canadian, so it's likely not as common here as other parts of the world). You got a chuckle or two out of me and i found this to be quite creative in a light and easily digestible way! Keep writing! -Patrick
7 years ago

Greg

Hahah i didn't see where this was going till the end. Well done! Also i spotted two typos: #1) "...colorful mazes he had bee sent through" - I think you forgot an 'N' #2) "Everyday that he would wait for that chance..." - Every day is never one word! Otherwise...very good job! Your [Crit] post on reddit of this is actually what brought me to this site, and i'm looking forward to participating! Keep writing! -Patrick
7 years ago

Visiting Winnetka house

Definitely potential, but far too much repetition. You use the word 'film' ten times in the first paragraph, and the phrase 'home alone film' (which doesn't make a whole lot of sense, in english) six times in the first paragraph. You are setting some scenes and your exposition is pretty good, but i think you need to find some creative and different ways of saying certain things, rather than repeating the same words/phrases over and over which can be very distracting. Hope that helps! Keep writing! -Patrick
7 years ago

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hanachan

hanachan

Joined: November 14, 2015
I AM A "MYSTERY"
sortofweirdo

sortofweirdo

Joined: October 22, 2015
Young writer, creator of sortofweird.com.
Dhaye

Dhaye

Joined: August 5, 2015
A public secondary school teacher who's passionate in any form of arts- literary and visual arts. I am a painter, poet, song-writer, and fashion designer. My other writing sites (from oldest to newest): http://www.writerscafe.org/hearmymind http://hellopoetry.com/Marguerite/ http://www.thestarlitecafe.com/myhome.php?user=hearmymind and other accounts at Poetry.com, Allpoetry.com, Poetfreak.com and Writers-Network.com Hello! I’m Dhaye and I've been here since August, 5, 2015. I welcome anyone into my page- all writers of all ages and in all genres. I write in different perspectives. I can make a piece out of momentary emotion, but most of my pieces are fictions- each as a product of my emotional empathy towards my friends, and characters in movies, books and other sources of entertainment. I always put my feet on the others’ shoes and feel their emotions as if they’re mine. Know that my works are NOT always about me. Some of my books are novellas but most are compilations of my poems, and some are with short stories, songs, and quotes. *All pieces of writing will go to any of the books I'm working on. I’m open to constructive criticisms. I am friendly and I value my friends so much. It’s easy for me to forgive and forget. I love to mingle with people, talk to them, listen to their stories and learn from them. I always love to smile. For me, it is the most beautiful thing that I can wear. I'm a cheerful person. I also love challenges. I want funny things. I love arts which include literary (writing poems, short stories, essays, songs) and visual (painting, drawing, video/film-making, photography). I have published 6 books at Createspace.com which are now available at Amazon.com, Amazon Europe and Createspace.com. I'm so grateful with those who helped me in editing every piece up to the back cover of my books. My Books: https://www.createspace.com/4218483 https://www.createspace.com/4324004 https://www.createspace.com/4299766 https://www.createspace.com/4549495 https://www.createspace.com/4743484 https://www.createspace.com/4770460
DavidBokolo

DavidBokolo

Joined: March 7, 2015
Mr David Bokolo is a veteran Chartered Administrator (Acia), with the added academic qualification of a Master’s in Marketing (MBA) whose rare insight and vision is a culmination of three-decade experience in diverse administrative capacities ranging from the Nigeria Police through the Oil Sector Human Resources Development, Environmental Management, and Conflict Resolution, and finally in Consultancy. His passion for ICT and Education and books eventually led him to found the Hallmark Group. An author, a poet, and a deeply committed Christian, he is married to Caroline Aina Bokolo, and they have five lovely children.

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hanachan

hanachan

Joined: November 14, 2015
I AM A "MYSTERY"
sortofweirdo

sortofweirdo

Joined: October 22, 2015
Young writer, creator of sortofweird.com.
DavidBokolo

DavidBokolo

Joined: March 7, 2015
Mr David Bokolo is a veteran Chartered Administrator (Acia), with the added academic qualification of a Master’s in Marketing (MBA) whose rare insight and vision is a culmination of three-decade experience in diverse administrative capacities ranging from the Nigeria Police through the Oil Sector Human Resources Development, Environmental Management, and Conflict Resolution, and finally in Consultancy. His passion for ICT and Education and books eventually led him to found the Hallmark Group. An author, a poet, and a deeply committed Christian, he is married to Caroline Aina Bokolo, and they have five lovely children.