SUICIDE SQUAD

Sitting on the mat that lay at a
corner of my rented room, trying to make myself forget about my critical poor
financial state. “It will get better” is a slogan I love to rephrase to myself
that being poverty wasn’t the end of life; as long as there is breathe/life,
there is still hope.

Just then I heard Mama Oko
shouting at the top of her voice “Yemi fe pa ara re o, ara ile egba mi o”
meaning “Yemi wants to kill himself o, neighbors come to my aid”

I quickly ran to the back yard
straight to Yemi’s window arriving simultaneously with Baba Oko who was also at
home and discovered Yemi standing on a stool starring at the rope locked to the
ceiling fan with tear filled eyes.

Wasting no time, I and Baba Oko
had already broken down the door to Yemi’s room. “Ah, yemi why?’ Baba Oko asked
as he struggled with Yemi whose head was already in the rope. I stood there
staring at him as a thought sipped into my head.

“Kehinde, why you are standing
there? helper me stop him na” baba Oko said to me amidst struggling with Yemi
who was still intent at completing the act.

“Why? Are you begging him not to
kill himself?” I asked “abeg leave am make him die jare make air reach us”
meaning “Please leave him alone to die so there could be enough air for us”

My statement bewildered mama Oko
who arrived at that moment but was accompanied by Aminu, the aboki that sells
provisions opposite our yard. Her shouts must have attracted him as she had a
loud voice.

“Leave am alone ko? Hafa, you
thiz man, how I wicked like this?” Aminu said with his Hausa accent that makes
his English sound incorrect but we all understand him.

By now, baba Oko had being able
to overpower yemi’s stubbornness and made him sit on the foam at the corner of
the room that serves as his bed. He cried the more he was consoled by Baba Oko,
Aminu and Freda.

“Ah, yemi kilode, why is you want
to killer yourself enh?” mama Oko kept asking as she panicked while I giggled
at her incorrect sentences. “mama oko; if you and your husband are not careful
with the english you both are spitting out, am afraid Yemi will eventually die”
I joked “Gbenu soun” baba oko shunned me 

“Why won’t I kill myself?” yemi
cried out rolling back and fort on the bed

“Mtcheeeeeeeew” I hissed Oniranu
“Haba, Kehinde won’t you shut up” Freda bit

“Money, I don’t have, look at me,
look at my life” he wailed bitterly accompanied by heavy tears

“Enh!” Aminu and Mama Oko
chorused “So because I no get am for money na im I wan kill am for your life”
Aminu said meaning “so its because you are poor that’s why you want to kill
yourself”

“I swear you I no get am for
sense at all” he added and hissed meaning “You are not sensible at all”

Baba Oko was speechless for a
while then he spoke “Yemi, poverty e no be the end of the world, before dem born
you na im people don dey poverty, it is just that na destiny carry make you
taste poverty so” consoling the bitter minded yemi who was still sobbing “Why
me? Why me?” he kept saying

“See Baba Oko, all that one is
story for the gods’ jare, what I know is that Yemi must finish what he started’
I interrupted “fa! na true” Aminu supported now smiling at me.

“Yes na, na im go first poor? Abi
na! Make im die jare” I protested further,

“Who is dying and who is killing
who?” The landlord voice interrupted from the passage before his gracious pot
belly starred the room with his bushy beards and bald hair. “I said who is
killing who?” he repeated

“Baba landlord welcome” we all
said composing ourselves. We all knew what must have brought him to us today.
HIS RENTS.

“Did I ask you all for your
greetings, I said who…..who…”

“Baba it’s yemi that wants to
commit suicide o” I announced on behalf of others

Startled by the revelation he
tossed an angry look at Yemi who by now was starring like an innocent soul
awaiting a cruel judgement.

“Ngbo, Yemi o fe pa ara e?” he
asked meaning “is that true? Yemi, you want to kill yourself?” not receiving a
response from Yemi who tried defending himself but words couldn’t come forth.

“Wait o, why is he not dead?” our
now curious and impatient landlord asked no one in particular. “Wait, who is
the bun fool, the boboclark, the bokorized idiot that stopped him from hanging
himself, enh! Who?” he questioned further without getting a response. “See Yemi,
you want to kill yourself abi? Better kill yourself now! Come, do you think you
are the only one that is poor?” He said then I added “That’s what I told him o”
I supported the landlord campaign “Sheybi you want to die, oya come and die now”
I said and moved close to him, pulled him but he protested by pulling back
himself “Enh, Yemi, I no wan die again? Oga oya stanf ufu my friend” Aminu said
and joined me in pulling but Yemi continued resisting but couldn’t outrun us as
everybody had joined us in pulling and all he could was plead with us but for
the moment, no one was interested in assisting him plead.

“Oya wait, wait, wait,” landlord
halted us

“Landlord weytin no be you say
make we help am?” I protested as I was not ready to allow anybody to spoil the fun.
“And did I tell I have changed my mind on that?” He replied looking sternly
“Stupid boy” he insulted and I grumbled inwards

“I don’t think this rope would
kill this Yemi as fast as we want, let’s take him to the transformer at the junction
that would work faster” He suggested and that brightened us up “And that would
even make everybody know that he is dead o sharp! Sharp!!” Baba Oko added “And
we they can all come so that we can share his properties, abi” I said and we
all laugh. “Me I go like am for this him telefision” Aminu said pointing to his
television and we laughed more “and me I go like carry this him bed, me wey be
say na mat I dey use sleep” I confessed and Ha……Ha……..Ha……Ha……… we laughed more
to the displeasure of Yemi who sat bewildered by our reaction to his plight “Please,
I will not kill myself again” He mumbled but loud enough to our hearing but
none of us seemed ready to hear his plead as we carried him up and marched out
of the room towards the main door. Yemi tried to free himself but he couldn’t
overpower the united strength of I, baba Oko and Aminu while mama Oko, Landord
marched behind us as we moved. The entire neighborhood was bewildered sighting
us carrying a co-tenant. We wasted no time announcing to the general public who
were eager to know what happened “He wan die, so we wan help am” we evangelized
and we won the hearts of some people who escorted us to the location of the
transformer. The moment we let go of Yemi, He tried to escape but we barricaded
his way despite his pleads before landlord made it to the front and stood
beside Yemi.

“Now, let’s be frank with
ourselves, Yemi; do you want to die or not? ….. Because I don’t know why you
are begging us now! Enh?”  

“No o, am not killing myself
again, I swear am not killing myself again, please, don’t kill me” he pleaded
and we laughed mockingly with delight “yeye, so you no wan die again” one man
commented “No mind am” another woman said from the back of the crowd as we all
laughed to our satisfaction. “Poverty is not the end of life, believe in your
God, work and pray hard, steadfastly and consistently and believe it, doors
would open towards. If doors are still shut against you please go and settle
all outstanding cases you have with the witches in your village, don’t kill
yourself in our area, none of us has money to take care of your corpse.”

THE END!!!!! Yippppeeee