Rest in peace and in me

Rest in peace and me...
Twas the night before you passed
I wish I could remember the moment
When your life support collapsed
And there was nowhere left to keep going
I'm sure that I was tied up in a conversation
About my fuckups and bad luck with the way she hated me
I'm sure that while she had my name engaged in the screams of her throat
You were choking on saliva and your heart rate was slowing
I can only dream of the scene in the cold hospital room
In August of a hot summer when I drove like a thief under certain doom
Across states under emotional strain
Across skies that darkened your pale frame
When the rain set in
And your kidneys stopped functioning
I didn't want to admit
That it's patter did get to me
And soon the storms in my eyes were pouring a landslide of emotion upon robes of velvet that clothed your vessel
You deserved every tear
For freeing my heart of a starving fear
Just for being there
And being everything I needed those years
When I slept in your spare bed
A teenager who needed exit
From the reality of the "best years of my life"
Which proved to my detriment
I wouldn't say I was spoon fed
But you wouldn't let the airplane not enter
Words of wisdom buzzed through the air
And love was their accelerant
You taught me to be humble
And how to stumble through life without falling
How to believe in myself when confronted with depression
And how to express words with my pen no matter the obstacle
Boxed up feelings corrugate paper with my tongue
In the cheek of rippled speech when we would laugh at absolutely nothing
In your green lazyboy and timid squeaky on your lap
You became so much more than a grandmother
More than a woman
More than all that
You became the reason I still write my life in spiral bindings
Influenced by articles in writers digest that you subscribed me to
The reason I shudder when I'm anxious
Because your touch helps me handle it
I can feel it on my shoulders when I'm leaning too far bipolar
And I can't find my way back to normal
I can feel it on the pages I stay up all night slaving in
And the mornings I wake and wish I was still sedated
So we could finish our conversation before my alarm interrupts so rudely
You are always in my thoughts
Even now when I'm prodding them
Come out come out where ever you are
A far cry from the writing of my childhood
But your spirit forever lives on in them