I Prepared a whole speech one day before getting off work and was convinced that I would confess my love to her on that faithful day and she would jump into my arms and tell me to never let go of her. But Ofcourse since this isn't a fairy tale it didn't quite go that way. I entered the shop after 6 and waited there for her to arrive. As I was going through my rather pathetic vocabulary to find the proper words to describe my love to her, I felt a gust of wind with the scent of cherry blossoms hit me. It was her. She was here. My heart started beating faster and faster as she passed by me. I couldn't believe I was going to talk to her today. She sat down and ordered the same coffee she does everyday. I looked around and scoped the area to see if anyone was there. Fortunately no one was going to witness me get humiliated that day. Besides Her,I mean. I got up-my legs shaking and trembling profusely And my hands sweating like it's 50 Degrees- and walked to her table. As I got closer and closer my heart beat began getting faster and faster and I calculated by the time I reach her table it would pop out of my throat. I stood right infront of her and for a few seconds didn't even say a word. I just stared. Right at her. Like a serial killer. I opened my mouth to say something but she spotted me and said with a very polite tone,"Can I help you?". I replied,"Yes, Do you have extra sugar? there isn't any at my table."
At that point, I was slapping myself in the face in my mind. 'Seriously? is that waht I just asked her? I'm never going to be able to tell her how much I like her and she'll never know me or my feelings'. Then something clicked in my brain. It was like someone had injected me with adrenaline so I could go into battle. As I was walking back to my table, I stopped and turned around and said with a very loud tone,"May I please sit with you if you don't mind?". 'Wait what? did I just really say that?'. She was bewildered. She smiled and then said."why would I mind?".
And thus a series of ironic, romantic, cliche and sometimes weird events began. Everyday was a new adventure when I was with her. I never knew that side of me before I met her. It was like I had no worry or concern in the world. I was at bliss. I Attained Nirvana.
But It would end very soon. All that happiness and joy would soon be converted into pain,sadness,grief,guilt and solitude. Even till this day, I regret going on that long drive across the country. If only I had know the events that would transpire, I would've just stayed home and spent a nice weekend with her and she would still be here. Alive.
She Had the weekend of and so did I. It was very that we would both have holidays together and were off from work at the same time. So she suggested we go on a cross country long drive from our town to the next town over. She used to go on these drives as kid with her mom and with her friends in college. I had not been out of the town in a long time so I thought it would be a nice change of pace for me. Plus it would make for some good quality time with her. I'm always the romantic type of guy so I also thought this would be a great oppurtunity for some romance along the way there. Sue me for being honest. So it was decided, I rented a nice car and we packed our things and got ready to set sail into the uknown world of cross country long drives. Along the way we stopped at many places, ofcourse I didn't want to because I wanted to get there fast but she kept annoying me. She was really stubborn. I adored that about her. a few hours had past since I started driving and were we out in the boonies and far away from my town now. Night time came along. She got really sleepy and started to follow asleep in the passenger seat next to me. I put her head on my shoulders so she wouldn't wake up. She seemed so calm and happy. That was the last time I saw her happy. That was the last time I saw her alive. only a few moments had passed since I started looking at her and I saw a figure from my peripheral vision. I turned to the road and saw a deer right infront of us, I tried my best to steer away and thankfully I didn't hit it but the car swerved out of control. I couldn't get it back on the road. I couldn't even see where I was going because I was dazed with confusion. As I was trying to gain control of the car, We crashed into a big tree. Next thing I remember after that is seeing her head lying on my chest. Her Forehead bleeding, her eyes wide open starring right at me. That was the last image I saw after blacking out and waking up in the hospital. As soon as I gain conscienceness I got out of the bed and started my way towards the front desk despite having three broken ribs and a broken arm. The woman at the front desk saw me and called the nurses to take me back to my room as I had reopened my wounds due to putting pressure on them. I asked the nurses repeatedly as they escorted me back to my room.
"Where is she? Tell me please I have to see her". but no one answered any of my questions. They gave me anesthesia and I blacked out again. After I blacked out,I saw her. She was smiling. She seemed happy. I dreamt of her that night. I kept asking her where she was and if she was okay and she kept saying the same thing. "I'm happy and I'm completely fine don't worry about me just focus on getting better". Next thing I remember is waking up to some doctor in my room checking my vitals. He sat next to me and told me to remain calm and said he had somethign to tell me. I knew what he was here for. What he wanted to tell me. I started crying profusely. Tears started falling down my cheeks into the doctors lap as he hugged me. "We couldn't save her, sir. We're sorry. When she was brought in we had already lost her. We couldn't do anything to save her." As soon as he said this, I remembered that image. What I saw after crasing. She was dead. She died on my chest. I saw her dead lying on my chest. She was starring at me. As if to say,'It was you, it was your fault that this happened to me'. That is what I had to live with the rest of my life. Guilt. Even if it wasn't my fault. I'm guilty because of my very own existance. Why do I deserve to live on ? Why did I survive ? I was never a nice person. I don't deserve this. She was the only reason I didn't give up back then. The only reason I lived this long was because of her. Now that she's gone, why do I need to live anymore?. These thoughts would run my mind in the middl eof the night when trying to sleep in the hospital. I thought of committing suicide many times while I was there. I thought if I killed myself, I would at least get to see her smile one more time as I passed on. I would do anything to see her happy again.
That dream I had in the hospital. It wasn't a dream. She reached out to me. To tell me she was okay and that I shouldn't worry about her and live my life without her. I know what that dream meant now. But as hard as I try I know I'll never forget about her. I can move on but Ican never forget about her. I look for her in my very existance now. Her scent might have faded away with the winds but theres one thing that still remains, Her aftertase.
"Hey, My name's Jack, I was lonely and wanted to have a conversation with someone other than my self".'That was so embarrassing, she probably thinks I'm some weirdo' I thought. She smiled at me and replied "It's about time you mustered up the courage to finally talk to me after stalking me for so long. Oh and by the way, My name's Sarah, it's a pleasure meeting you".